extent | duplicitynet

i'm surprised you dont already know all anyone does lately is talk about my shit for me

i think i already do, but i care enough about you to ask you first instead of assume

as far as stories go its pretty fucked up

yeah? tit for tat work for you? or rather just spit it?

god i dont even know
i'm
historically not good at sharing

[ who could have guessed ]

ask me something. i'll answer. and maybe do a shot about it. and maybe ask you something back.

ok fair.

and if kisses work better i can meet you or you can meet me for now:

that post about that guy recently? wilim or something.

That the bad idea that'd hurt you but help others?

let me hold the kissing in reserve for when i'm really squirming.

william. or willem, apparently. stupid name.
he's contracted with my best friend. they've still got a month to go.

if love's not the problem with those boyfriends of yours, what is?

i'm not good with hand holding and remember to say i love you and softer things like kissing good night and like.

great at sex and intimacy, but telling them what's in my head, making them feel like i love them outside of my just knowing it is not what i'm good at

they deserve what they can give each other, not sure what i'm giving them besides a warm bed

when the month's up, you gonna break off what you've got with him? sure you've got people in your ear about what a bad idea staying is and how those who love you don't want you being hurt. you do have that in your ear, right?

i know what that's like you know.
maybe not the handholding but the
sharing
being a boyfriend not just a regular lay

all anyone has to say is how bad an idea it was. is. even though it worked. how theyre more than a match for him even though none of them actually know him. but i've stopped seeing him. i'm waiting for shit to hit the fan.

do you think they love you for what you are giving them, not what you aren't?

fuck i'm sorry, then. shitty club to be in
you don't seem to suck at getting relationships, at least? (that's not my question, just clarification)

i mean they might be right, you don't know and shouldn't choose for them. taking a choice away from them isn't kindness. but good. if you've need of a place he doesn't know to lay low, i've got like three to pick from

i don't know. i guess i hope so? they don't need to be the boyfriends of the ardri or whatever to get sex, i'd give that anyway happily. they're not the type to go title chasing either, neither of them like being boyfriends of the ardri so who knows.

it sounds like a question im taking it as a question

i don't know what they get out of it. i love them more than i know what to do with most of the time and i'm like
mostly just a source of stress and problems who still doesnt know how to talk about shit and shuts down at the first sign of issues (a real catch)

unless you're forcing them to stay (and i rally dont see that for u) they're probably with you for you, then. maybe you just cant see it. i'm pretty sure we're blindest to the parts of ourselves that people like the most.

fuck that sounds familiar.

and you're probably right re: blindest cause i think you've got a huge heart and you try to fit everyone in and you're creative and clever and love so so deeply that you take plants and weird animals in as well as your people
plus you've got like doe eyes and a cute little smile

i can see why they're there, even with the problems and the not talking and the stress. more surprised they haven't kicked your ass for it, but maybe that's just me.

idk i expect the ass kicking might come this time. after we figure out whatever the hell to do w william at least.

what are you doing, back home, that theyre with you for

well if it doesn't, let me know, happy to provide. though i kick ass i care about with words which sting more, fair warning

that they're with me for? in general or what?

sorry im actually into degradation i think youll just have to beat me up + be done w it

what does being a ✨bf of the ardri or whatever entail?

calling you a slut isn't a punishment for you

more public notice, more responsibility, having to dress nice for stupid shit, no privacy, one of them's likely to be head of trade or whatever and the other's a nomad by nature and he's getting tied down to one city for however long he's with me i guess.
along with assassination attempts, evil gods, and political machinations

hey new question: did you know about wiliem before you involved yourself with him?

so like proper royals shit. wild. has he told you how he feels about staying in one place to be with you?

not at first. i had a couple of idk. questionable encounters w him but i thought it was city shit. by the time i found out it was more oli was signed to him.
i knew what he was when i reached out to him after that though

i haven't asked because i'm an asshole

i'm with you. i know how that goes, like it's the only real option available despite. it's okay to try and feel better after that, you know. it's okay to let yourself feel bad and then get better, even if you walked into it.

also oli as in oliver?

i dont think just not initiating a potentially difficult + emotional conversation makes you an asshole. it's not your fault that being in a relationship with you comes with like a bunch of caveats either.

oli as in oliver as in oliver daye yes.

see, if you don't get your ass kicked, the shit you just dodged is half the asskicking i offer, the other half is actually mean.

i'm an asshole because i don't want to ask him if he wants to stay when i'd like to claw off my skin rather than stay myself.

oh. well. shit. okay. is he okay?

i told someone that i knew was abusive and manipulative that he could do whatever he wanted to me and then he did. i dont think i'm really in a position to feel bad about it.

and that still doesnt make you an asshole, youre both in a difficult position.

i think so. oli said he mostly just wanted to play house.

no you get to feel bad and you get to get help and you get to feel better, you just don't get to wonder why it happened or blame anyone else for it happening. it felt bad, saying you don't feel bad now doesn't make it better for you or anyone who loves you
like a bad scene but lingering and worse and it'll fuck with you more.

ok good.
one of the other options was asking about him

who's blaming anyone? i know what i did. i know who's fault it is.

oli's the best person in the world second only to maybe our other friends but even then its like even footing, next question

good then let people help, the whole 'i dug this hole, i'll get myself out' thing really doesn't work

also good cause he's cute

oh. no. pass. third option was barely an option anyway
we can keep talking abusive dickbags

i dont know, it was working fine before everyone found out

what was the third one that makes talking about this shit somehow a better option?

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

cw: victim blaming tendencies, also hypocrisy like yikes

cw hypocrisy should be this whole thread

100% correct cw all the way through

no subject