extent | duplicitynet

How much do you have to talk about it before it starts getting better?

[ it's that joke but not really all over again, too...sad to sound anything less than tragic and genuine. he's sick of everything being a process, nick has always wanted quick fixes. this is hardly an exception.

but he tips his head a little, pressing the words less into chris's chest and closer to his neck, coming up for air. or at least attempting it, anyway. ]

I just want to be done. I don't even care what kind of done any more, you know? Like, if it's better, great, if it's not-- I just want it to be over with.

Hey now...

[Chris shifts so his hand drops from hair to chin to tilt Nick's face up a bit more and grant Chris access to his forehead where he rests his lips as he speaks.]

Better is what it'll need to be, you've got too many who care too much for it to be anything else. You know what, though, there's good news. Bet you'll feel a bit better in a few minutes, even. Every little bit you talk feels worse...but then feels cleaner. Scraped out but better for it.

Plus, I've got a secret little band-aid might help.

[ it's easy enough to tip his face up toward chris, and nick wants it to be just as easy to let the man convince him that he's right. that better is the only option, that there's a way forward and out of this that doesn't just end with nick alone and empty.

when he exhales this time it's less of a sigh and more of a carefully measured choice, and nick unlatches himself a little from around chris so that he can press a hand loose against his chest instead. he's not consciously feeling for a heartbeat, his hand just stops drifting once he finds it. ]

I don't think I'm going to feel better in a few minutes. Just..embarrassed, probably. So I hope that's a really good band-aid.

[He doesn't resist as Nick pulls that bit back and his wings loosen around them, then flair back and stretch for being held in that position for so long. His hand covers Nick's, expression soft.]

Oh you might feel that as well, it's alright, I won't tell and you can pretend you don't.

[He searches Nick's face a moment.]

Hold tight on me, yeah?

[ he fights the urge to say he doesn't deserve this, again, if for no other reason than because he already knows that chris disagrees, and that kind of cycle just isn't especially helpful. instead he just leans up, presses his lips to chris' cheek, lingers there a moment. or two, or three. ]

You're a good guy. Great, actually.

[ he's still there when he murmurs the response, though he nods after a brief pause, and this time nick's arms slide around chris' neck, fingers latched around his arms above the elbows. it's weak, but genuine, when the corner of his mouth quirks up into something like a smile. ]

Will this do?

[He presses a quick kiss to Nick's forehead and wraps his arms tight around Nick's middle.]

Only to the people I want to like me, I'm a manipulative fuck.

[He says it jokingly...even if he knows it's true on some level. He's not trying to manipulate Nick, though -he doesn't think he is- he just wants to shake some of that cloud from his pretty soul, if he can.

For that, his wings beat against the roof, once, twice, the third powerful flap gets them clear of the roof and into the air. Up. Up. High above the house and the Down spreading far below them.]

You get motion sick, Nicky?

[ it would be very hard to stay miserable when literally flying, nick thinks, and he wants so badly to be cheered up. his grip around chris' neck quickly tightens when they leave the solid ground of the roof, and he laughs as he squeezes his eyes shut, briefly. ]

Not even a little bit.

[ he turns his head a little, so that he can peel an eye open and peek out at the ground below them. it's hardly enough to fix all of nick's problems, of course, but there's something about being this high in the air that makes it seem small enough for him to grin, wide and bright, for the first time in what feels like an age. ]

Jesus, Chris, that's one hell of a band-aid.

[Flying was one of his most favorite hobbies, even if he was in the worst mood imaginable, the rush alone usually soothed things. It won't fix anything, but it usually helps and does now as well, if Nick's lovely smile is anything to go by.]

Yeah, gets better, though.

[He's about to test that motion sickness question, cause Chris flies even higher....and then stops flapping altogether. One stomach-wrenching moment they're climbing and in the next, Chris' arms are tighter and gravity reclaims them as he lets them freefall for so many seconds. He catches them as the buildings get closer, his wings flaring out to send them in an arch that takes them further out over the streets and back into a glide, broken only by an occasional flap to keep them aloft.]

You want the full paces? I could take you on twists...or anywhere you'd like to go.

[ nick doesn't scream as they plummet towards the ground, just latches on tighter and stares wide eyed at the buildings until they're soaring back over them again. his stomach has flipped more times than he can count, but it's just a relief that it's paired with the rush of adrenaline and not a guilty conscience. ]

You wanna show off? You can show off.

[ nick laughs like he hasn't a care in the world -- for a split second there it feels like he doesn't, keeping one arm strung tight around chris' shoulders and flinging the other out beside him to feel the air rush between his fingers. ]

Take me somewhere far away.

[ there's not really anywhere that they can go -- but it's a nice dream. ]

[It’s a bad idea to kiss him at this velocity while doing tricks, but the temptation is there as he takes another hard flap to get them higher.]

You’ve got it.

[Twists and turns is what he delivers on: tight spins through the air and sharp maneuvers by buildings, but slower moments as well to give Nick the chance to breathe and enjoy.

He takes them through the tunnels, pulling a touch of magic to them to pass unnoticed as he takes them up. Well over the streets above and into the night sky with the Up spread below them. Still, he presses on, steady wingbeats carrying them over the deep blackness of the ocean at night and low enough to run a hand in the water.

It was always a comforting sight to him, he’d grown up near the docks in a port city, the ocean would always mean peace in some way. Which is why he sets them on the top of a high cliff’s edge overlooking the waves below to catch their breath.

Once their feet set down, Chris keeps a hold of Nick to keep him steady.]

I’m only sorry I can’t take you further.

[ it's not like nick has failed to experience any kind of joy in these past few months, far from it, but there's a freedom that comes from this that nick hasn't experienced in--a long time. he's not sure how long, but soaring through the city is the closest to unburdened that he's been able to feel since william crawled his way into a permanent fixture in nick's life.

his hand is still damp from the sea when they touch down, precarious enough that nick should really keep hold of chris but he doesn't, just a loose sort of grip on the stretch of shirt by chris' shoulder as he twists to look out over the cliff's edge. it makes his head swim, but nick beams all the same. ]

You've done plenty. Holy shit, look, I haven't been this far away from the city since I got here.

[ nick turns back, hooks his hand behind chris' neck and pulls him down--pulls himself up, really, so that he can press their foreheads together. ]

Thank you. Seriously.

[His grip isn't tight, if Nick were to fall, he trusts his own speed enough to be able to grab him again, but he still keeps his hands at Nick's sides. When he pulls himself up, Chris meets him a bit, eyes half closing, but settling their gaze on Nick's cheek and lashes.]

You're welcome. Truly. I know you feel alone and tired, Nicky, but I'm here for you. [Chris is absolutely positive he isn't the only one, even of the ones angry with Nick, but Nick might not believe it and that was what mattered more right now.] If you need me to put your head back on, tell you you're being silly, kiss you, or fly you to a cliff-face: I'll do it.

Yeah.

[ he does actually believe him, which is saying something right now. it's kind of hard to deny that someone's going to lengths to support you when you're literally balanced out on a cliff face though, so that helps. a lot of things feel shaky right now, unstable, but not this.

it's--beyond a relief.

nick tilts his head up, presses his stupid smile smile to chris' mouth until it turns into a kiss. even then, it's only a moment before nick is murmuring against his lips. ]

You're really something else, you know that?

[He smiles into that smile-kiss as well. It's silly but it's nice.]

Yeah, I'm a mess of things, but that's alright.

[He kisses Nick back, once, twice, simple and soft little things only meant for the affection they offered. He speaks between them again, voice a touch more apologetic.]

We can stay up here another seven minutes, then I've got to fly us back or we're stranded as far as the sky's concerned.

You know, I can portal now, right?

[ it's one hell of a view up here, made all the more pleasant for having his arms looped loose around chris too, for those kisses pressed onto his face. it's a little easier to let his problems feel smaller out here, not quite so overwhelming. just a little bit manageable.

it's better than nick's been doing in weeks, he'll gladly take it. ]

You got us up here, I can get us home. Stay a while, enjoy the view. [ it's not a grin this time, it's a softer little smile on his face as he tilts it up once more. ] Kiss me again.

[He portaled up to the roof...]

Yeah...absolutely...remembered that.

[He smiles in a way that's absolutely meant to be making fun of himself. They'd talked about a lot and then gone flying...and now he was contemplating the slightly uneven stone here and if he had the energy left for what he was considering.]

I've got you and the ocean to look at, there's plenty of view to enjoy.

[But he does as asked and leans in to kiss Nick again. Something with a little more pressure, a little longer, if still gentle.

[He doesn't look as he waves a hand over the stonetop they stood on, a five foot bowl-shape carving itself into the surface beside them.]

Sit with me in my lap, then?

[ it's a fancy bit of magic, albeit one nick only catches the end of, wrapped as he is in the promised kiss. the sort of thing that makes this all feel just a little bit lighter, like they whisked themselves away just for the hell of it, and not because nick is fraying at every threadbare seam holding him together. ]

Well, an offer like that, how can I say no?

[ nick reaches up, sweeps away a few loose strands of hair out of chris' face. tucks them away, then plants his hands on his chest to encourage him back into the scooped out hollow made just for them, so that he can settle comfortably into his lap right after. ]

[Chris goes easily, settling into the scoop and making a softer pad of his legs for Nick to settle in.

It’s an easy thing to wrap his arms around him from there and give a brief kiss to Nick’s hair.

This was better. The change in position offsets the slight fidget in his hands and gives his fingers something to mess with as they find corners of Nick’s clothing to fiddle with or an arm to pet absently.]

I miss the ocean. I mean there’s this, but I miss knowing there’s life of all kinds, knowing there’s sails to see on the horizon and the sounds of the docks coming to life each morning. I guess I miss my ocean.

[It’s a silly little topic, but it’s a shift of focus, an attempt to let Nick breathe without feeling like Chris was aiming to pick at any edges.]

The stars are all wrong here.

[ the observation isn't a new one, to nick or to anyone that pays attention to these things, but it's not something he voices very often. it's a thought kept to quiet nights alone, lying out in the yard with a joint and staring up at an unfamiliar set of stars above him. nick doesn't talk about home very often.

but chris misses the ocean, so he can miss the sky. he settles a hand loose on Chris' thigh next to him, leans into his chest and rests his head on his shoulder, eyes closing for a moment, relaxing -- really relaxing, finally. ]

We're not supposed to be here. It doesn't...ever feel right.

[He looks up at the stars at that, eyes trailing over unfamiliar arrangements. hey were unfamiliar to him, but he'd assumed that was him not coming from Earth. He hadn't realized other people saw something unfamiliar as well.

He brushes his chin by Nick's head, his lips barely grazing by his temple as he looks back down and out into the black sea.]

No, we're not. There's plenty wrong here: the way death works, our place in this, the fact some powers are fine and some are limited. It all feels wrong.

[He sighs softly, the melancholy brushing his words even as he tries to shift the tone.]

Caleb's got this notion of making a life here that's better than the one left behind and I'm all for it, if you can, but I think it'll always be hard...if only cause those little things that ought be right aren't and you'll always notice.

[Nevermind the big things like controlling assholes and an uncaring populace and drugs in the water every other month.]

The people here are better. The only ones in my world worth anything are practically all here now, too.

[ and the people here are worse too, because nick's had his run ins with shitty assholes before, but never the kind of toxic manipulation that someone like william is capable of. but there's no optimism to be found in thinking about william, so he doesn't say it. he's plenty sad enough on its own, without helping it along.

instead nick lifts a hand, reaches to drop chris' hand on top of it, palm against the back of his hand. there's no real purpose to it, except that he can twist their hands together through the breeze idly. ]

Most days I think it's worth it, you know. The trade off. Like--the city is fucked, but look at the people I have. I didn't have this back home. I haven't even...thought about love since I was like fifteen years old.

[Chris smiles a bit, watching Nick play with their hands in the air.]

Yeah...yeah, I get that. I certainly have people and relations I'd never have at home.

[And that was what Caleb had said as well: that the trade of who he had outweighed who he missed.]

I suppose...if I at least had my twin, I might be a little closer to feeling that too.

[Because, as much as he misses the rest of his group, as much as he misses his boys, they'd have each other and be alright. Rhyt would have them too, but Chris knew he was a little more lost without her.]

But...even if there's never a way to get home, if we end up stuck here forever, it's something I think I can live with when I've got silly things to sit in my lap and play like our hands are birds.

Edited 2022-05-06 01:29 (UTC)

It's a little easier when you have people that'll whisk you off to a cliff and carve you out a seat just cause you're having a bad day.

[ if he's smiling, it's smothered in the way he guides chris' hand back over to him, pressing a kiss onto his knuckles, and another couple just for good measure. ]

I don't know what I'd do if any of my family showed up. They probably wouldn't be that surprised, all the messes I've got myself into.

Yeah, I hear that can be nice sometimes.

[There's a small flutter in him, a little thing for those sweet kisses, but more the thought he might have actually helped.]

You think? [His own certainly wouldn't be surprised. Maybe. Of course, sometimes he thinks they see him as having himself way more together than he does, but he's no mind reader.]

Tell me about them? Who's in your family?

There's too goddamn many of them.

[ nick doesn't talk about home, is the thing. some people have even noticed, the way he'll scatter a few details at most before sliding out of the conversation. he doesn't always do it on purpose--it started off as self-preservation, at some point it became habit.

he doesn't remember the last time he said their names, and that used to feel like a kindness, but these days he's not so sure. ]

I have...seven siblings. Three sisters, four brothers. Our parents, they're like--old money, old witch blood. Thomas, the oldest, he's got to be almost thirty now. I think he's living in England still, teaching. Nicolette, she was next, she just moved back to town. Working at my old school, contracting. God, she was so mad when she got back into town.

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