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[extent]

user name: nick
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idk sounds like at least a little bit of you wants it

just "dont do it again" is too big
its all anyone asks but like what does that even mean. don't ever hide anything again? don't make deals w a psychopath and keep it to myself? don't ever tell a lie?

time, and not fucking up again, and theres not really any magic fix but im better at like
a list

[chrisisofaith]

i want the connection and the chance to be me, i just don't want to disappoint anyone

you need to ask them that. they should be specific about what they need.
i'd ask for no deals with psychopaths and certainly no hiding an issue with one, but that's me

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you deserve the kind of love you want

'hi i know i fucked up wildly and you owe me nothing but can i please have an itemised list of how to make it up to you because i dont think i can grapple with something as simple as 'don't lie to me anymore'

i'm sure it'll go down fantastically

[chrisisofaith]

you're as much a sap as caleb

don't be a prick. 'hey i know i fucked up wildly and you owe me nothing, but i'd like to ask for patience and a chance to make it right. please tell me where to start, this is difficult for me and i'll need to take it piece by piece, so if you could give me one piece to start, i'd appreciate it.'

you're welcome

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just telling it as i see it

i'm pretty sure if i was a better person i'd leave. let people heal without having to deal with me getting over everything on top of that.

[chrisisofaith]

your people love you. they want to heal with you, not in spite of you.

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if you love someone and they hurt you, you' be well within your rights to deal with your own hurt and not their boatload of problems

[chrisisofaith]

you would
if that's what they want, you respect that
i repeat
have
you
asked
them

[extent]

not really

i'm going to

[chrisisofaith]

good. gotta start somewhere.

listen. you didn't hurt me any and i know i'm not them, but i'm here for you too, as you need. you're one of my people. i'm in your corner.

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its like

it means a lot. i appreciate it. i'm like
i don't know. things are hard rn

[chrisisofaith]

i know and likely will be for a while
don’t sink under
don’t lose yourself
come up for air or ask for distractions or godsforbid help
but there are rafts in the water for you, lovely

[extent]

i think
sometimes

i think im already sunk and everyones fighting a losing battle trying to get me back
sometimes it feels too late

[chrisisofaith]

yeah?

alright
do you like it down there?

[extent]

not really

but sometimes a lost cause is just a lost cause

[chrisisofaith]

i have good news for you
not wanting to be down there means you’re not a lost cause

start swimming up nicky
i’ve even got a spell for walking on water, so ill meet you there

i’m as stubborn as you are sad, so try me on this

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i want to
at least i think i want to i just like

i'm so tired

[chrisisofaith]

so take a breath, rest, but don’t give up

just try

the rest will come

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maybe

god. i don't know when things got this bad. i didnt even realize.

[chrisisofaith]

wish i had answer for you, but i can guess, if it was easy to see, it wouldn’t consume so wholly

but you see it now that’s a start

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sorry
i know youre like not a therapist you can bill me for these hours anyway i dont mind

[chrisisofaith]

no I’m a cleric it’s the same thing
spiritual leader
and also an actual leader
so thanks for the practice

what do you need?
not like in general
right now

[extent]

i dont know
company
or a distraction
or to be so out of it i cant think at all

but i'd be shit company right now

[chrisisofaith]

too bad, my hand seems to be empty. might need something to fill it. maybe another hand
can i borrow yours?

[extent]

i guess that'd probably be alright