extent | duplicitynet

i told someone that i knew was abusive and manipulative that he could do whatever he wanted to me and then he did. i dont think i'm really in a position to feel bad about it.

and that still doesnt make you an asshole, youre both in a difficult position.

i think so. oli said he mostly just wanted to play house.

no you get to feel bad and you get to get help and you get to feel better, you just don't get to wonder why it happened or blame anyone else for it happening. it felt bad, saying you don't feel bad now doesn't make it better for you or anyone who loves you
like a bad scene but lingering and worse and it'll fuck with you more.

ok good.
one of the other options was asking about him

who's blaming anyone? i know what i did. i know who's fault it is.

oli's the best person in the world second only to maybe our other friends but even then its like even footing, next question

good then let people help, the whole 'i dug this hole, i'll get myself out' thing really doesn't work

also good cause he's cute

oh. no. pass. third option was barely an option anyway
we can keep talking abusive dickbags

i dont know, it was working fine before everyone found out

what was the third one that makes talking about this shit somehow a better option?

no it wasn't you basically drank a river of booze with me while you were trying to fix it

it's more love stuff and it feels kinda dumb and silly after everything else we already talked about

i'm an alcoholic man that doesnt mean anything

no lets talk about love i dont want to talk about this any more

do you spray the bullshit on like a cologne or is it natural?

it's unrequited or not possible love but in the 'why am i surprised and thinking about this i'm a bad boyfriend anyway so i should be relieved' kind of way so

still no

oh it comes very naturally

im pretty sure we have established by now that i'm very good at not telling people shit so like
who're you in love with tell me

give me at least one if not two good reasons to tell you nicky

because i just told you a whole bunch of shit
because i'm better at keeping secrets than like anyone
because if you tell me something i'll tell you something
bc i want to know

theres 4

i'll accept at least two of those
and i've been drinking this thing so slow hold on i need to finish it

[..]

we'll start with unrequited and also annoying that's easier. do you know jacob frye?

wait you're drinking why am i not drinking

no i dont, are you in unrequited love w him or is he in love w u?

i don't know do you want to be drinking? get a drink

me with him. i know he cares about me and i know he's willing and ready to bend over for me whenever and he knows shit about me that only like five people here do. but i definitely got hit with a truth bird and told him i loved him.
he was also hit with a truth bird and didn't say anything except how i shouldn't
all this, by the way, after i purposefully stopped trying to feel anything about him cause he
what's the word
hold on
ghosted me for a long while. then turned up for sex like it was nothing
so it's annoying

i didnt know this was a drinking conversation i thought it was a sit and self-flagellate conversation

he ghosted you?
chris

why can't it be both

what?
he apologized while under truth whatever too

Edited 2022-04-17 02:58 (UTC)

maybe. hang on im gonna get high

did he apologize for ghosting u or for hitting u back up again like it was nothing
did he explain why he needed a truth drug to manifest that apology
if people are showing you who they are u should probably believe them

whatever makes you happy
he did both and said he wasn't good with keeping up with people even when he cares for them, that he loses track of people
i believe completely that he cares enough to look at me like he loves me even while he'll never say or feel it and probably be the cause of a few more bottles in my life.

look i told you it was stupid and annoying

it is stupid and annoying
all love kind of is tho

is it worth it? if you really think he'll never love you back?

fuck is that true
what he knows about me feels worth trying for him

would you?

i dont know
i'm more used to being the person doing the ghosting

does it hurt, being with him?

yes

Edited 2022-04-17 03:26 (UTC)

he's so aggressively full of the life he wants to live and the person he is he jumps and then checks to see how bad the falls going to be he's a fucking moron

but he looks at me like i matter, like i'm the only person in the room and i know that's not true, i know he's in love with someone else whole-heartedly, but i'm an idiot so here we are having this conversation

you cant get that from someone who loves you back?

maybe. sure, if that person existed
i'm not actually with anyone nick, not like that. plenty i fool around with or play with, but not more.

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cw: victim blaming tendencies, also hypocrisy like yikes

cw hypocrisy should be this whole thread

100% correct cw all the way through

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