extent | duplicitynet

it sounds like a question im taking it as a question

i don't know what they get out of it. i love them more than i know what to do with most of the time and i'm like
mostly just a source of stress and problems who still doesnt know how to talk about shit and shuts down at the first sign of issues (a real catch)

unless you're forcing them to stay (and i rally dont see that for u) they're probably with you for you, then. maybe you just cant see it. i'm pretty sure we're blindest to the parts of ourselves that people like the most.

fuck that sounds familiar.

and you're probably right re: blindest cause i think you've got a huge heart and you try to fit everyone in and you're creative and clever and love so so deeply that you take plants and weird animals in as well as your people
plus you've got like doe eyes and a cute little smile

i can see why they're there, even with the problems and the not talking and the stress. more surprised they haven't kicked your ass for it, but maybe that's just me.

idk i expect the ass kicking might come this time. after we figure out whatever the hell to do w william at least.

what are you doing, back home, that theyre with you for

well if it doesn't, let me know, happy to provide. though i kick ass i care about with words which sting more, fair warning

that they're with me for? in general or what?

sorry im actually into degradation i think youll just have to beat me up + be done w it

what does being a ✨bf of the ardri or whatever entail?

calling you a slut isn't a punishment for you

more public notice, more responsibility, having to dress nice for stupid shit, no privacy, one of them's likely to be head of trade or whatever and the other's a nomad by nature and he's getting tied down to one city for however long he's with me i guess.
along with assassination attempts, evil gods, and political machinations

hey new question: did you know about wiliem before you involved yourself with him?

so like proper royals shit. wild. has he told you how he feels about staying in one place to be with you?

not at first. i had a couple of idk. questionable encounters w him but i thought it was city shit. by the time i found out it was more oli was signed to him.
i knew what he was when i reached out to him after that though

i haven't asked because i'm an asshole

i'm with you. i know how that goes, like it's the only real option available despite. it's okay to try and feel better after that, you know. it's okay to let yourself feel bad and then get better, even if you walked into it.

also oli as in oliver?

i dont think just not initiating a potentially difficult + emotional conversation makes you an asshole. it's not your fault that being in a relationship with you comes with like a bunch of caveats either.

oli as in oliver as in oliver daye yes.

see, if you don't get your ass kicked, the shit you just dodged is half the asskicking i offer, the other half is actually mean.

i'm an asshole because i don't want to ask him if he wants to stay when i'd like to claw off my skin rather than stay myself.

oh. well. shit. okay. is he okay?

i told someone that i knew was abusive and manipulative that he could do whatever he wanted to me and then he did. i dont think i'm really in a position to feel bad about it.

and that still doesnt make you an asshole, youre both in a difficult position.

i think so. oli said he mostly just wanted to play house.

no you get to feel bad and you get to get help and you get to feel better, you just don't get to wonder why it happened or blame anyone else for it happening. it felt bad, saying you don't feel bad now doesn't make it better for you or anyone who loves you
like a bad scene but lingering and worse and it'll fuck with you more.

ok good.
one of the other options was asking about him

who's blaming anyone? i know what i did. i know who's fault it is.

oli's the best person in the world second only to maybe our other friends but even then its like even footing, next question

good then let people help, the whole 'i dug this hole, i'll get myself out' thing really doesn't work

also good cause he's cute

oh. no. pass. third option was barely an option anyway
we can keep talking abusive dickbags

i dont know, it was working fine before everyone found out

what was the third one that makes talking about this shit somehow a better option?

no it wasn't you basically drank a river of booze with me while you were trying to fix it

it's more love stuff and it feels kinda dumb and silly after everything else we already talked about

i'm an alcoholic man that doesnt mean anything

no lets talk about love i dont want to talk about this any more

do you spray the bullshit on like a cologne or is it natural?

it's unrequited or not possible love but in the 'why am i surprised and thinking about this i'm a bad boyfriend anyway so i should be relieved' kind of way so

still no

oh it comes very naturally

im pretty sure we have established by now that i'm very good at not telling people shit so like
who're you in love with tell me

give me at least one if not two good reasons to tell you nicky

because i just told you a whole bunch of shit
because i'm better at keeping secrets than like anyone
because if you tell me something i'll tell you something
bc i want to know

theres 4

i'll accept at least two of those
and i've been drinking this thing so slow hold on i need to finish it

[..]

we'll start with unrequited and also annoying that's easier. do you know jacob frye?

wait you're drinking why am i not drinking

no i dont, are you in unrequited love w him or is he in love w u?

i don't know do you want to be drinking? get a drink

me with him. i know he cares about me and i know he's willing and ready to bend over for me whenever and he knows shit about me that only like five people here do. but i definitely got hit with a truth bird and told him i loved him.
he was also hit with a truth bird and didn't say anything except how i shouldn't
all this, by the way, after i purposefully stopped trying to feel anything about him cause he
what's the word
hold on
ghosted me for a long while. then turned up for sex like it was nothing
so it's annoying

i didnt know this was a drinking conversation i thought it was a sit and self-flagellate conversation

he ghosted you?
chris

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cw: victim blaming tendencies, also hypocrisy like yikes

cw hypocrisy should be this whole thread

100% correct cw all the way through

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