extent | duplicitynet

yeah
ok
fuck

please dont tell anyone else
i know its like
i know that its a lot to ask but i need more time and anyone who knows anything is just in more danger

i wont

i did ask john for advice but i didn't tell him any names or details

look the one thing is that i feel fucking shitty keeping this from kyle
he loves you and if anything happened to you he would fucking lose it, nick

i wont tell him
but i think you should
i don't think it's fair not to

kyle can't know
he'd kill him, or die trying

i know its shitty but i cant tell him, not until its done

when is it gonna be done
how does this end like what's even the exit strategy?

[ great question...... ]

i'm not telling anyone

okay reverse this

i'm fucking someone seriously dangerous who's hurt other people we know enough that we're scared to even tell anyone else and i won't let you near it or go to anyone else who might be able to help and i can't even tell you how it's going to end

what do you do

i know what i'm asking, nate
i know its too much

i'm asking anyway

i need you to find the exit

nick i wont say anything okay, i love you and i want to do what you want

but if you got hurt because i stayed quiet i literally couldn't live with myself

so find it soon, please

ive got it under control

when its done i'll tell everyone that should have know from the start, but until then

i have it under control

ok then so it won't be hard to give me updates.

too many people already know too much

i shouldn't have asked you for help i'm sorry, i shouldnt have put you in this position in the first place

no.

you shouldn't be trying to do this alone in the first place

the answer absolutely isn't to double down, you've got to stop pretending like you're protecting us by not telling us you're in trouble

i still shouldn't have done this

i dont know why i thought i could keep you out of it
i'm sorry nate

stop please

if you get in trouble then the only place i want to be is in it with you

you don't keep me safe by keeping me out of it. i'm actually very capable of getting into danger myself but at least if we talk about it then i can be there with you

ride or die nick

ride or die

i love you, so much. I'll never put you in this position again, i promise.
maybe if i'd said something to someone sooner we wouldnt be here now

i slept with hope while she was still lacking humanity

i'd cursed her, i had faith in it, and i didnt think she wanted to hurt me
and she didnt
at least nothing i didn't want to feel

but i knew it was a risk and i didn't tell anyone at the time

which is to say
you don't always know how deep you might get into something and you don't always make the smart decision in the moment
i've been there too

[ there's a lot of typing. too much, when all he sends back is ]

after you cursed her?

yeah.
before she died.

after she killed michael

yeah, after she killed your friend and compelled caitlin and was living under my curse

after all of that

[ nick tries to respond. and he tries to respond again, and again, and all the while it hurts more with each attempt. he doesn't even know how to feel. it just hurts. ]

okay

[ Nate thinks: this is worse than looking for William. He'd said if because he was trying to say he understands, and now he wonders if maybe he shouldn't have said anything. But that would mean consciously keeping a secret from Nick, and he's never done that. He never will do that. So he just says: ]

i'm sorry

in the moment all i was thinking about was the moment

that's not an excuse, it's just how it was. i don't have an excuse.

i understand

she was your friend. she didnt hurt you.
i get it.

[ after she killed your friend. he can't stop reading it. but his eyes blur and his chest aches, even as he tries to type. ]

you dont have to apologize

yes i do

she hurt you. i was stupid and i didn't think about that, or about anything else

the last thing i ever want to do is hurt you
and i can feel how much i have
and i'm so sorry. i'm so sorry
you don't have to say it's okay when it's not.

i dont want it to not be okay, so its okay

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