duplicitynet | inbox

[extent]

user name: nick
text | video | voice | action | etc

Comments

[extent]

did u feel like u were gonna break out in hives?

[unfriendlygreen]

YES. Is that normal?

[extent]

i mean i assume so that's how i felt

[unfriendlygreen]

did you break out in hives?

[extent]

no but i almost bolted
did u?

[unfriendlygreen]

of course not, i was very smooth.

[ nick doesn't need to know what a huge lie that is. ]

[extent]

( nick absolutely already knows what a huge lie that is )

do u regret it? telling him, i mean

[unfriendlygreen]

not in the least. I loathe the awkward dancing around each other, wondering if a look or a touch means more than it does, it's excruciating.

This is better. He knows where I stand and I have no expectations, so anything happening at all is a welcome surprise.

[extent]

do u not feel like u have to second guess everything now tho
like stuff that was just something normal u did feeling all like
more loaded bc they know??

[unfriendlygreen]

I told him maybe an hour after I first met him. So no, I haven't had to second guess anything because he's known the whole time.

[extent]

lol
how do u even do that
that's actually insane

[unfriendlygreen]

I know myself very well and I saw no point in waiting. How is that any worse than having BDSM sessions with a stranger?

[extent]

mmm i am intensely more comfortable having BDSM sessions w strangers than telling an actual whole person i have feelings for them
that's not even a question

( you're talking about nick now ragnor, keep up )

[unfriendlygreen]

i can understand it being embarrassing if you're not sure your feelings are reciprocated.

[ ragnor still has no idea, but he didn't want his pining to involve a side of 'maybe if i told him he'd tell me he likes me back' ]

but if you're giving him puppy eyes and he's giving them to you back and no one says anything, then keeping it quiet is absolutely ridiculous.

[extent]

ok but what if u did say something
and then he got arrested the next day
so now u just have way too much time 2 sit and fucking stew on everything
wwyd

[unfriendlygreen]

Kyle likes you too, it's so obvious I'm sure it can be seen from space.

[extent]

ok but does he or is the situation just weird and confusing bc we live together and fuck a lot
do i like him or am i just getting the situation confused
it's literally going to end in disaster this is exactly why i think people should keep these things to themselves

[unfriendlygreen]

Bloody hell, Nick. It's not that complicated, you like him and he likes you. You can enjoy that for as long as it lasts. If in the future your feelings or his feelings change, you talk about it with the understanding neither of you wants to hurt the other.

[extent]

it is exactly that complicated
i have categorically ruined anything that even looks like a relationship, every single time, usually on purpose
and then here everything is like 10x more complicated
i dont know how to not do that
this is why i dont do feelings, i dont know how this happened

[unfriendlygreen]

I am sure you are capable of identifying and ignoring your flight or fight instincts.

When you feel the urge to blow up a relationship, ignore it and be honest instead. If you're scared, admit you're scared. Relationships don't have to be roller-coasters.

[extent]

if everything was that simple no one would ever have any problems
i don't try to be like this i just don't know how to be anything else

[unfriendlygreen]

You didn't shut me out. You felt the impulse, you were close to doing it, and you decided not to.

[extent]

still thinking about it tbh

( stop making sense :| )

its like not even a thing this is so ahead of myself anyway
he got me a gift. it was really sweet.

[unfriendlygreen]

he's a very sweet man.

[extent]

very
he won't let me go and see him. it's stupid.

( hence this whole moody little tantrum )