extent | duplicitynet

[ ragnor steps next to him, he doesn't sit down, just reaches out to tap his arm. ]

Nick.

Don't.

[ it's hardly a violent gesture by any stretch, but nick isn't exactly gentle about the way he pushes the glass out of the way, so that he can plant his elbows on the bar and rest his head in his hands instead. ]

Just--yell at me tomorrow.

Why does everything have to be a fight with you?

[ he's not yelling, whatever anger he's feeling is not, at the moment, directed at nick. ]

I'm here to take you home.

[ this time he reaches for nick's hand, not to tug him forcefully, just to hold it. ]

I don't want to go home.

[ but he lets ragnor take the hand, even if the other one stays pressed over his scrunched up eyes. his eyes stay closed, and he huffs out a very careful, measured exhale, fingers wound loose around ragnor's like he's still considering pulling them away. ]

We can spend the night at the apartment.

[ they still have that, and it's conveniently close and nick tends to cling less to his bullshit there, so maybe taking him there would work out for the best. ]

I want to get drunk.

[ but he hasn't, which means something. mostly it just means that he doesn't think he can handle any more guilt right now. nick sits up a little straighter, drops his chin on his hand instead, and looks at the bottle. deliberately not ragnor. ]

Oli was the one who made sure there wasn't any alcohol at my birthday, you know. I would have said "fuck it" and put it in the punch.

Oliver is a good friend.

[ and ragnor wants to check-in on him too. he just needs to get nick home first. ]

There was a lot of yelling.

He's furious.

[ somewhere in that moment, nick makes a decision. he collects himself up off the stool and stands up, and he doesn't remove his hand from ragnor's but he does reach out to grab hold of the neck of the bottle. he hasn't decided yet, if he's going to drink or not. ]

Fine. I don't care, take me wherever.

[ ragnor considers briefly, turning the booze into water. he could do it, he doesn't think nick would notice.

but he believes nick will choose not to drink so it's fine. he takes nick's hand and leads him outside, to a mostly empty street. ]

You were doing portals proficiently, why don't you take us to the apartment?

[ he doesn't protest, just follows along after ragnor, out of the bar with his teeth dug in hard into the inside of his cheek.

he doesn't say anything at the suggestion, either, but after a moment he opens the portal up. none of it runs anywhere near as smoothly as ragnor's, but it's functional enough. nick doesn't say anything still, just gestures for the warlock to lead the way. ]

[ ragnor takes nick's hand again and walks them through. ]

It is very impressive how quickly you mastered them once you decided to.

[ the bottle stays in one hand but the other stays firmly tangled in ragnor's, grip far tighter than he needs to just to step through a portal. the praise would be--nice, any other time, but right now it just makes him feel a little nauseous. ]

How much did he tell you?

I assume he told me everything.

[ he's being very calm still. he has priorities, nick first, oliver second, anger third. ]

Are you hungry?

[ ragnor keeps the flat stocked even when they don't have anything scheduled. plus, stealing is easier in the down. he can get whatever they need and worry about it later. ]

No.

[ he doesn't really know what he wants, except to maybe go back a few hours and have none of this happen. that's not any more likely than everyone just dropping this though, and nick just looks around the room a little blankly. he still wants to drink, but it's harder in front of ragnor. it was hard enough in the bar, alone.

he waits a moment, then gently extricates his hand, wraps his arm around himself instead. ]

We don't have to do all this. If you want to say something, just say it.

[ ragnor looks at him for a moment, weighing his options. he could yell, and he could lecture him, hell, he could probably spank him.

but he doesn't want to do any of that. he's so tense he feels he might snap.

he breathes out, trying to let go of some of that tension, and then he pulls nick into a hug. ]

[ he could handle yelling, or at least some kind of cold treatment. this is somehow worse, because he doesn't feel very deserving of kindness right now. he doesn't relax with the arms around him, still wound taut, but he doesn't pull away either. he just leans his head against ragnor's shoulder and closes his eyes again, taking a few deep breaths. ]

I was going to tell you. When-when it was over, I was.

I really wish you'd trust the people who love you.

[ he can rationalize it, he can tell himself nick is like this. but he does feel lacking, that if he'd done things differently, maybe nick would have told him before his friend blew up at him. ]

[ he could argue. he could, until he's blue in the face, that it's not trust, that it was safety, that there's a million reasons why he didn't say anything to anyone. but he doesn't, he just shrugs his shoulders lightly, a small little gesture. ]

Me too.

[ ragnor sighs and kisses the top of nick's head. ]

I love you. We can work this out in the morning.

[ one thing at a time, one day at a time. ]

Yeah.

[ nick is skeptical, to say the least. whatever tomorrow morning is going to bring, he doubts that he's going to magically be any better at talking, that he'll want to share. but nick doesn't have it in him to argue, so he nods and winds his free arm loosely around ragnor's waist. ]

I love you. I do.

I know. Do you want to take a shower?

[ he's not holding any hope for nick to say anything tonight. best they can do is take some time to unwind, and then ragnor can text oliver and tell him nick's safe for the night. ]

[ he wants to say no, but he's already done that. he's not trying to be more difficult, he just doesn't want much of anything right now--except for thing that aren't options. if he falls back now, right after a fight with oli...it's just not an option. but he's already said no, so nick nods after a brief pause. ]

Yeah, I mean- sure. A shower is fine.

Go take a shower, I'll make some tea.

[ ragnor kisses nick's head again, then lets him go. ]

[ showering means putting the bottle down, which is significantly harder than any other step so far tonight. he puts it down though, on the first available flat surface on the way to the bathroom. it's easy enough to get undressed without looking into the mirror, where he knows that letters only he can see are still seared into his back--another mark of nick's abysmal failure here.

but he gets in the shower, and then he stays there. he stays under the water, running scalding hot at first, but eventually there's not enough hot water to keep his skin pink. eventually it's just lukewarm at best, and nick still stays under the blast from the shower head, leaning a hand against the wall. it's not like he doesn't think about getting out -- he does, every few minutes like clockwork, it's just that every time he thinks about it, nick fails to move at all. he just stays there, still, in the shower. ]

[ Ragnor waits a more than reasonable forty minutes before going into the bathroom to pick him up. ]

Come on, you'll catch a cold.

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