extent | duplicitynet

[ the bottle stays in one hand but the other stays firmly tangled in ragnor's, grip far tighter than he needs to just to step through a portal. the praise would be--nice, any other time, but right now it just makes him feel a little nauseous. ]

How much did he tell you?

I assume he told me everything.

[ he's being very calm still. he has priorities, nick first, oliver second, anger third. ]

Are you hungry?

[ ragnor keeps the flat stocked even when they don't have anything scheduled. plus, stealing is easier in the down. he can get whatever they need and worry about it later. ]

No.

[ he doesn't really know what he wants, except to maybe go back a few hours and have none of this happen. that's not any more likely than everyone just dropping this though, and nick just looks around the room a little blankly. he still wants to drink, but it's harder in front of ragnor. it was hard enough in the bar, alone.

he waits a moment, then gently extricates his hand, wraps his arm around himself instead. ]

We don't have to do all this. If you want to say something, just say it.

[ ragnor looks at him for a moment, weighing his options. he could yell, and he could lecture him, hell, he could probably spank him.

but he doesn't want to do any of that. he's so tense he feels he might snap.

he breathes out, trying to let go of some of that tension, and then he pulls nick into a hug. ]

[ he could handle yelling, or at least some kind of cold treatment. this is somehow worse, because he doesn't feel very deserving of kindness right now. he doesn't relax with the arms around him, still wound taut, but he doesn't pull away either. he just leans his head against ragnor's shoulder and closes his eyes again, taking a few deep breaths. ]

I was going to tell you. When-when it was over, I was.

I really wish you'd trust the people who love you.

[ he can rationalize it, he can tell himself nick is like this. but he does feel lacking, that if he'd done things differently, maybe nick would have told him before his friend blew up at him. ]

[ he could argue. he could, until he's blue in the face, that it's not trust, that it was safety, that there's a million reasons why he didn't say anything to anyone. but he doesn't, he just shrugs his shoulders lightly, a small little gesture. ]

Me too.

[ ragnor sighs and kisses the top of nick's head. ]

I love you. We can work this out in the morning.

[ one thing at a time, one day at a time. ]

Yeah.

[ nick is skeptical, to say the least. whatever tomorrow morning is going to bring, he doubts that he's going to magically be any better at talking, that he'll want to share. but nick doesn't have it in him to argue, so he nods and winds his free arm loosely around ragnor's waist. ]

I love you. I do.

I know. Do you want to take a shower?

[ he's not holding any hope for nick to say anything tonight. best they can do is take some time to unwind, and then ragnor can text oliver and tell him nick's safe for the night. ]

[ he wants to say no, but he's already done that. he's not trying to be more difficult, he just doesn't want much of anything right now--except for thing that aren't options. if he falls back now, right after a fight with oli...it's just not an option. but he's already said no, so nick nods after a brief pause. ]

Yeah, I mean- sure. A shower is fine.

Go take a shower, I'll make some tea.

[ ragnor kisses nick's head again, then lets him go. ]

[ showering means putting the bottle down, which is significantly harder than any other step so far tonight. he puts it down though, on the first available flat surface on the way to the bathroom. it's easy enough to get undressed without looking into the mirror, where he knows that letters only he can see are still seared into his back--another mark of nick's abysmal failure here.

but he gets in the shower, and then he stays there. he stays under the water, running scalding hot at first, but eventually there's not enough hot water to keep his skin pink. eventually it's just lukewarm at best, and nick still stays under the blast from the shower head, leaning a hand against the wall. it's not like he doesn't think about getting out -- he does, every few minutes like clockwork, it's just that every time he thinks about it, nick fails to move at all. he just stays there, still, in the shower. ]

[ Ragnor waits a more than reasonable forty minutes before going into the bathroom to pick him up. ]

Come on, you'll catch a cold.

I can't catch a cold.

[ sort of he could, theoretically, it's just that nick spends so much time healing himself that nothing ever has a chance to take hold. his back still hurts, faded into a dull ache he can't get rid of, but just like william promised nick is the only one who can see the mark anyway, so he doesn't bother to cover himself up.

nick has half a mind to stay put, but--he's difficult enough, without making more work, so after a moment he shuts off the water and steps out, grabbing a towel. ]

You don't have to stay.

[ ragnor has a giant fluffy bathrobe waiting for when he's done with the towel. ]

You know I won't be going anywhere.

[ he's not surprised, but that doesn't mean he's any happier about the answer. this is a far cry from drowning his sorrows in some filthy bar--he still half wants to walk back out again, but nick just puts the robe on and winds it tight. ]

Aren't you tired of this yet?

Of you bringing excitement into my life?

[ he raised a magnus bane, this is nothing. ]

Aren't you tired of it?

Yeah, I am.

[ exhausted is more like it, if he's honest. he tries to crack a smile, like it's a joke, but it doesn't work. in the end he just shrugs a little, gesturing out. ]

Did you do tea?

I did. Chamomile.

[ hopefully, it'll help nick sleep. ]

[ that seems as good a cue as any to leave the bathroom, though he doesn't really know what to do once he's out. nick stops in his tracks for a moment, glances around the room and then moves to sit at the end of the bed instead. he doesn't actually want tea, but it's a better option than anything else right now. ]

You should have something to eat. I'm just going to...

[ if there's an end to that sentence, it doesn't come. ]

[ ragnor sits down next to him. he's not hungry and he had tea already. ]

We could sleep.

I don't think I can.

[ but he leans in, just enough that his shoulder rests against ragnor's, like it's some sort of compromise. ]

[ ragnor wraps an arm around him and turns his head, murmuring against his temple. ]

I can help you sleep.

You gonna roofie me?

[ that's supposed to be a joke too, but, well. poor timing, to say the least. but despite all the very intense feelings around not deserving any of the affection, it's too hard to make himself pull away. so nick doesn't, he just closes his eyes and pulls in a few very careful, controlled breaths. ]

Okay, yeah. Whatever works.

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