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user name: nick
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Comments

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i didnt love it.

( he should have locked that conversation down way faster, but well. hindsight, 20/20. )

did you read all of it.

[snikthatch]

yeah

if it didn't look like I'd have to wait in line I'd be going over there to kick his ass right now

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i dont want him to get his ass kicked

( maybe. probably. no, he definitely doesn't. )

it's not like i didn't realize thats how some people could see me.

[snikthatch]

not much that's worthwhile comes out of caring how people see you

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probably not.
that doesnt mean i dont.

[snikthatch]

yeah, I know

[ Typing. Not typing. Typing. ]

that's never been how I see you

[extent]

never?

[snikthatch]

never

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you dont have to spare my feelings

[snikthatch]

you think you need to tell me that?

you've been a lot of things to me Nick
but never disposable

[extent]

i think that the people who care about me have a vested interest in protecting me from getting hurt and i dont blame anyone for that

i also think that the chevalier doesnt have any reason to lie. and i also think that i have a lot of sex, with a lot of people, a lot of the time. if it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck.

[snikthatch]

you want me to tell you he's right so you can feel bad about it instead of pissed at him?

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i'm going to feel bad regardless, why would i bother being pissed at him too

[snikthatch]

because he deserves it

you ever been pissed at me? at what I did to you?

[extent]

that wasn't you

[snikthatch]

you can be angry at people who hurt you Nick, no matter how it happens

[extent]

why would i be angry at you when you werent responsible
im pissed at the people that made it happen but thats even more pointless

so theres not really any point in getting angry about things.

[snikthatch]

there doesn't have to be a point
you just feel it and let the pain do something other than eat at your insides

[extent]

if i felt my feelings all the time i'm pretty sure i'd go insane

[snikthatch]

how's not feeling them at all working out for you?

[extent]

i havent had a total meltdown yet so i must be doing something right

[snikthatch]

[ Typing and then -- not typing for a while. There aren't a whole lot of steps between understanding what Nick's going through and realising how much their relationship, and how they are together, has influenced that. And even fewer between that and realising that maybe, despite the ways he tries otherwise, he's ultimately doing more harm than good.

Still. ]

you need somewhere else to be right now?

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are you offering?

[snikthatch]

if it would help

[extent]

i dont really want to have sex right now ( a shocking revelation, surely. ) but if you have another suggestion

yeah, it'd help.