extent | duplicitynet

[ Michael stands his ground, sure that Nick will make an excuse to leave if he doesn't. Or, hell, maybe he wouldn't even bother with an excuse. Maybe he'd just go.

Meanwhile, Michael rolls his eyes. ]

A month ago, you healed my hand and told me I was important. I can count on one hand the number of people who've ever said that, and honestly, I'm real good at letting them down. I'm not doing that with you."

[ He folds his arms, staring Nick down. ]

Leaving him, moving out? That doesn't mean we aren't friends anymore.

[ "Friends" is the wrong word. It's too impersonal, doesn't go close to explaining how Michael thinks of Nick. ]

Yeah, well.

( he's already frustrated. michael's not wrong, that moment had been incredibly important for both of them, but to have it laid out so plainly makes him want to dismiss the whole thing, snap it's not that deep and lash out until michael is the one walking out.

he doesn't, but he chews at the inside of his lip and thinks very seriously about how awful he'd have to be to make michael hate him. )

I didn't ask you to 'check up on me'. I'm fine, so you can...go back to whatever it is you're doing. I just moved out, you don't need to be so dramatic.

[ Michael slowly lifts his eyebrows. ]

You didn't just move out, you blocked me. We didn't fight, nothing happened. So I don't think I'm the one being dramatic, Nick. You think I don't know what it looks like when someone cuts and runs? I've done this. You can't bullshit me.

[ He feels like he's dealing with his own younger, stupider self. Really, though, Michael is still this person. He still has these same instincts, he's just working harder not to let it ruin his life anymore. Nick has yet to learn that lesson. ]

I'm not gonna stop caring about you just because you left. That's not how this works.

Oh my God.

( nick's hands come up to scrub over his face, and it doesn't really make him feel any better, but it at least buys him a moment to try and school his expression into something other than miserable and angry. he doesn't do a very good job of it though, and by the time nick folds his arms over his chest he's frowning. )

What do you want from me? You're off the hook, dude, go make B.F.F bracelets with someone you don't have to pick up after all the time. Seriously.

[ Michael comes into the room now. He crosses it, and takes Nick's shoulders in his hands. ]

Who ever said I was on a hook? I don't care about you just because you lived with us, that's just how I met you.

Look, Nick.

[ Michael drops his hands. ]

You can block me, or ignore me, or whatever. But I've been you. I know what this is, and you can't walk away from me because I'm never gonna walk away from you.

You're just gonna have to deal with that.

( some unpleasant part of nick that desperately wants to fight begs him to scream at the top of his lungs, to keep going until he can drag something nasty and angry out of michael too, because it's a hell of a lot easier to detach from people who hate you.

he's not sure why he doesn't, except for maybe that he doesn't think he would actually get the reaction he wants. or maybe because part of him knows he doesn't really want to get rid of michael, at all. either way he tenses up slightly at the touch, but hunches tighter when his hands fall away. )

I mean apparently I can't ignore you. This is my work, dude. Do you know how bad it looks, dragging this shit in here?

[ Michael shrugs his shoulders. ]

I don't know where else I could go, it's not like you left an address. And I can't call you.

[ He lifts his eyebrows. He knows Nick's looking for an excuse to withdraw; he's just determined not to let him. ]

You tell me a better place to be, I'll be there.

You're not supposed to be anywhere, that's the point.

( he doesn't know what's more frustrating, michael's stubborn insistence or the fact that it's working. there's a reason he just blocked michael, after all. the most shameful thing about cutting and running is admitting that he doesn't really want it to work. )

I don't— I'm not you. Maybe I just wanted to be left alone for a bit, did you think about that?

[ Michael nods, looking thoughtful. Looking like he's seriously considering it, against all the odds. ]

Sure. Except it's me. Any time you wanted alone time, you told me, and I listened. You want some time, you say that, you don't block someone and move out.

[ He lifts his eyebrows. ]

You're pushing everyone away. You really think I don't see that?

( there's a reason that nick's arguments usually burn fast and bright too, because he runs out of counters very quickly. this isn't really a fight, nick is short but he isn't shouting, but it feels like one all the same.

nick deflates slightly, mouth set in a grim line, and he trains his eyes on michael's feet. )

I didn't...know what else to do.

[ Nick's body language is so low now, his shoulder deflated and his eyes on the ground. Michael sighs. ]

Why did you think you had to do anything? Is this because of the fight with Ragnor?

It's everything.

( surprisingly enough, when nick hits a wall he doesn't take the dramatic route. mostly he just looks tired, scrubbing a hand over his face quickly and trying not to seem quite so miserable. an abject failure, obviously. )

I can't do this, I can't be— whatever the fuck it is I'm supposed to be in that house. It's been three months, some shit's going to go wrong if I stay, I'm getting out before it does.

( never mind that nick's dramatic departure probably is the thing that went wrong. )

[ Michael steps closer, shaking his head. ]

Something did go wrong. You left.

[ He chews his lip for a second. It's hard for him to think of an argument that might resolve any of this. He doesn't think anything would've solved it for him, any time he'd been in Nick's shoes. ]

You weren't supposed to be anything, Nick. Kyle didn't expect anything of you. All he wanted was for things to stay exactly like they were.

Look, you want to leave cause you're unhappy, that's your business. But I don't think you were. I think you are now. Tell me I'm wrong.

( the most frustrating part is that he wants it to work. nick isn't that good at being miserable, he's not self-sacrificing enough. he wants to go home and he wants to patch things up with kyle, let michael scrub at his hair as they walk out of here together. it's nice, it's really nice. but nice isn't enough.

nick swallows, and smiles in a way that feels painful. it was a lot easier with kyle, who bends over backwards to make sure that nick's decisions are respected. even the really, really stupid ones. nick doesn't think he'll particularly like the person he'll have to be to make michael walk away from him — but then, that's the problem. nick doesn't like himself very much at all, these days. )

Fine, I was unhappy. Is that what you want to hear? I couldn't wait to get out of that place. Didn't you notice I had my bags packed for days?

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