extent | duplicitynet

[ Michael shrugs his shoulders. ]

I don't know where else I could go, it's not like you left an address. And I can't call you.

[ He lifts his eyebrows. He knows Nick's looking for an excuse to withdraw; he's just determined not to let him. ]

You tell me a better place to be, I'll be there.

You're not supposed to be anywhere, that's the point.

( he doesn't know what's more frustrating, michael's stubborn insistence or the fact that it's working. there's a reason he just blocked michael, after all. the most shameful thing about cutting and running is admitting that he doesn't really want it to work. )

I don't— I'm not you. Maybe I just wanted to be left alone for a bit, did you think about that?

[ Michael nods, looking thoughtful. Looking like he's seriously considering it, against all the odds. ]

Sure. Except it's me. Any time you wanted alone time, you told me, and I listened. You want some time, you say that, you don't block someone and move out.

[ He lifts his eyebrows. ]

You're pushing everyone away. You really think I don't see that?

( there's a reason that nick's arguments usually burn fast and bright too, because he runs out of counters very quickly. this isn't really a fight, nick is short but he isn't shouting, but it feels like one all the same.

nick deflates slightly, mouth set in a grim line, and he trains his eyes on michael's feet. )

I didn't...know what else to do.

[ Nick's body language is so low now, his shoulder deflated and his eyes on the ground. Michael sighs. ]

Why did you think you had to do anything? Is this because of the fight with Ragnor?

It's everything.

( surprisingly enough, when nick hits a wall he doesn't take the dramatic route. mostly he just looks tired, scrubbing a hand over his face quickly and trying not to seem quite so miserable. an abject failure, obviously. )

I can't do this, I can't be— whatever the fuck it is I'm supposed to be in that house. It's been three months, some shit's going to go wrong if I stay, I'm getting out before it does.

( never mind that nick's dramatic departure probably is the thing that went wrong. )

[ Michael steps closer, shaking his head. ]

Something did go wrong. You left.

[ He chews his lip for a second. It's hard for him to think of an argument that might resolve any of this. He doesn't think anything would've solved it for him, any time he'd been in Nick's shoes. ]

You weren't supposed to be anything, Nick. Kyle didn't expect anything of you. All he wanted was for things to stay exactly like they were.

Look, you want to leave cause you're unhappy, that's your business. But I don't think you were. I think you are now. Tell me I'm wrong.

( the most frustrating part is that he wants it to work. nick isn't that good at being miserable, he's not self-sacrificing enough. he wants to go home and he wants to patch things up with kyle, let michael scrub at his hair as they walk out of here together. it's nice, it's really nice. but nice isn't enough.

nick swallows, and smiles in a way that feels painful. it was a lot easier with kyle, who bends over backwards to make sure that nick's decisions are respected. even the really, really stupid ones. nick doesn't think he'll particularly like the person he'll have to be to make michael walk away from him — but then, that's the problem. nick doesn't like himself very much at all, these days. )

Fine, I was unhappy. Is that what you want to hear? I couldn't wait to get out of that place. Didn't you notice I had my bags packed for days?

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