extent | duplicitynet

[ Nate's eyebrows shoot up. ]

I died that same night?

[ That makes a difference. It had felt like at least a week to him at sea. He could've been convinced that it was a few days - half that time instead of the full time. But one day? Everything that happened on the ship happened in one day?

No. He's shaking his head.

He also keeps a tight hold of Nick's hand, and twines their fingers together. ]

It's impossible. I mean, we had no way to track time, nothing worked, but...first there was that blazing sun, and then we got caught in this mist. No matter what way I pushed us with the wind, we couldn't get out of it, it wasn't natural. It made us all angry, too, and aggressive, and scared. We were fighting with each other, it was intense. Then, eventually, we found the kraken, or it found us. But we were so far from shore by then. It couldn't have only been a day.

[ He frowns, and lets out a breath. It only reinforces what he was already thinking. ]

Being out there reminded me more of hell than anything else I've seen. Yeah. I think we're in a hell dimension, or something like it.

[ there's a lot of theories floating around on what exactly it is going on here; nick has heard a few, but never really took the time to settle on any of them. deliberately, for the most part, because he doesn't like to think too much about anything that he can't change, but it's impossible not to consider all the ideas, after spending this much time in the city.

a hell dimension is plausible, honestly, and it explains--a lot. nick nods, quiet for a moment, and after he lets out an exhale of his own he squeezes a little tighter onto nate's hand. ]

I mean, it makes sense, right? Like, I suppose it's possible that there's a place somewhere in some universe that could do everything this city can, but it just seems...I don't know. But a hell dimension, like we've seen how much power this place has.

[ Nate used to actively resist the idea that this was hell. He thought that played into religious ideas that he wasn't willing to give credence to, and at any rate the majority of people captive here were alive. Not all, granted, but most.

Since then, his own experience has somewhat broadened. He was caught in a hell while he was alive. Who's to say Duplicity's masters couldn't have made an industry out of the same thing? So much about the city doesn't make sense for a real place. Where they get everything from has never made sense. Maybe the answer is that it isn't real. Maybe that's always been the answer. ]

People like the Creator, like Bel. They're powerful, they're untouchable. If they're demons that would make sense. Belial is literally a demon's name, I just thought it was meant to fuck with us. Maybe it's what it sounds like. Hell dimensions are made for torturing people after all. It's hard to argue that's not what's happening here.

I asked Ragnor once, if it would really change anything if this turned out not to be real. He said something like...that it's still happening to us, we're still feeling things, even if wherever we are is all fake.

[ that was about as much as nick could tolerate of the conversation at the time, and honestly he doesn't feel much better about it now. it's a big picture kind of question when nick is very much caught in the little picture problems, in his little spheres of life rather than the state of everything. the people matter, the feelings matter. the fact that it feels real, matters. ]

Do you think we'll ever figure out a way out of here on our own terms?

[ Nate's jaw tightens. ]

I was in Thorn's realm for a decade or more and I couldn't get out. Not until people from outside were able to help. There was only one of me, but...

I mean, you know how all our plans have gone so far.

[ This sounds an awful lot like giving up, which is very anti-everything Nate's content to be. There's no denying that what he'd seen on the ship had dented his hope, though. If this trap is what he thinks it is, it's hard to imagine how they might escape from this side under their own power. ]

I think...we need to focus on keeping our memories when we leave this place. We need to get a message to people whose powers aren't constrained by being here. We need help, I don't think there's any way around that now.

It's got to be a lot easier for someone to break in than for us to break out at this point.

[ it does sound like it's skirting close to giving up, but if he's very honest with himself nick suspects that he probably gave up a while ago. he leans in a little closer, enough that he can rest his shoulder against nate and settle some of his weight against him, looking down at their joined hands. ]

When we fall asleep here, "go back" without leaving, do you think that's actually happening?

[ Nate lets their shoulders touch, and then just leans against Nick. His thumb moves against Nick's hand.

He's as honest as he can be, but it's probably as low as he's ever felt here. ]

No.

I think the memories are real, but...my body back in my world didn't have the marks this one does. This one reflects what I did there, but it didn't work in reverse.

[ A slow breath. ]

When people vanish and then come back with new memories, like Alec did. I think they physically leave, but. Where they go, I don't know. It might not be home. They might just get a download from home, later.

Do you ever think...

[ he doesn't really want to finish the question, or put voice to something that until now has been nothing but a nasty lurking fear, unpleasant but easily ignored. nick doesn't want to think about these sorts of things, it's just another reason why he hardly ever talks about home. he's good at avoidance, usually.

but he swallows hard, tries to carefully exhale without letting it become a sigh, continues more quietly than before. ]

Do you ever think that...none of that could be real? The memories, the leaving, the returning. That all of that could just be some--construct, too?

[ Nate moves to put his arm around Nick, to pull him close.he holds him, and then kisses his temple. ]

Maybe. I've spent a long time trying to work out what was real.

[ Duplicity hadn't felt real since he came back. But maybe his own world wouldn't have, either, after Thorn's dimension. Maybe he always would've had that problem. ]

I know that this is real, though. You and me, how I feel about you. How I feel about Caleb. That's all real.

In the end, that's all I really want to hold onto. I don't care about anything else. Even...my own freedom. It's not as important as keeping hold of you.

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