extent | duplicitynet

I asked Ragnor once, if it would really change anything if this turned out not to be real. He said something like...that it's still happening to us, we're still feeling things, even if wherever we are is all fake.

[ that was about as much as nick could tolerate of the conversation at the time, and honestly he doesn't feel much better about it now. it's a big picture kind of question when nick is very much caught in the little picture problems, in his little spheres of life rather than the state of everything. the people matter, the feelings matter. the fact that it feels real, matters. ]

Do you think we'll ever figure out a way out of here on our own terms?

[ Nate's jaw tightens. ]

I was in Thorn's realm for a decade or more and I couldn't get out. Not until people from outside were able to help. There was only one of me, but...

I mean, you know how all our plans have gone so far.

[ This sounds an awful lot like giving up, which is very anti-everything Nate's content to be. There's no denying that what he'd seen on the ship had dented his hope, though. If this trap is what he thinks it is, it's hard to imagine how they might escape from this side under their own power. ]

I think...we need to focus on keeping our memories when we leave this place. We need to get a message to people whose powers aren't constrained by being here. We need help, I don't think there's any way around that now.

It's got to be a lot easier for someone to break in than for us to break out at this point.

[ it does sound like it's skirting close to giving up, but if he's very honest with himself nick suspects that he probably gave up a while ago. he leans in a little closer, enough that he can rest his shoulder against nate and settle some of his weight against him, looking down at their joined hands. ]

When we fall asleep here, "go back" without leaving, do you think that's actually happening?

[ Nate lets their shoulders touch, and then just leans against Nick. His thumb moves against Nick's hand.

He's as honest as he can be, but it's probably as low as he's ever felt here. ]

No.

I think the memories are real, but...my body back in my world didn't have the marks this one does. This one reflects what I did there, but it didn't work in reverse.

[ A slow breath. ]

When people vanish and then come back with new memories, like Alec did. I think they physically leave, but. Where they go, I don't know. It might not be home. They might just get a download from home, later.

Do you ever think...

[ he doesn't really want to finish the question, or put voice to something that until now has been nothing but a nasty lurking fear, unpleasant but easily ignored. nick doesn't want to think about these sorts of things, it's just another reason why he hardly ever talks about home. he's good at avoidance, usually.

but he swallows hard, tries to carefully exhale without letting it become a sigh, continues more quietly than before. ]

Do you ever think that...none of that could be real? The memories, the leaving, the returning. That all of that could just be some--construct, too?

[ Nate moves to put his arm around Nick, to pull him close.he holds him, and then kisses his temple. ]

Maybe. I've spent a long time trying to work out what was real.

[ Duplicity hadn't felt real since he came back. But maybe his own world wouldn't have, either, after Thorn's dimension. Maybe he always would've had that problem. ]

I know that this is real, though. You and me, how I feel about you. How I feel about Caleb. That's all real.

In the end, that's all I really want to hold onto. I don't care about anything else. Even...my own freedom. It's not as important as keeping hold of you.

duplicitynet | inbox

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject