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user name: nick
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ok well first of all dont apologize for talking to me about stuff thats not something u need to be sorry for

second. do u want advice or do u want to get it off your chest?

[guylining]

both i guess

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they should have told you. not least of all bc that's like the shittiest way for people to find out about stuff and u guys have all been around long enough to know what kind of shit is getting pulled on us.

as like. a card carrying member of the keep important shit from the people you love club, i kinda see why they didn't? i guess? people are ducking stupid, even ancient immortal ones. i don't think it means they love u any less or value what u guys all have, its just
messy.
secrets are complicated

but u should be pissed. u deserve to be pissed, it hurts when u find this shit out and it should have been from one of them, not that bullshit classified ad

[guylining]

people ARE stupid, i know

but i told them when this happened to me. when i died, when i was used to kill someone, i went to them and trusted them and i don't understand why they wouldn't do the same

it's like they just didn't even think about it
like it didn't matter.

at home i never expected to matter. but with them i did.

idk how to not be angry about it.

[extent]

so be angry about it. don't try and ignore that or push it away bc u don't feel u should be or whatever, absolutely u can be angry and hurt and everything about this

whatever the reasons are they kept shit from u and when ur being so open with them that's always gonna hurt

and then when shits not so fresh for everyone, u guys talk about it and u tell them what you told me

[guylining]

what if i tell them and they don't care

[extent]

i don't think that's going to happen. like, at all.

but ok, play the scenario out. u tell them and they don't give a shit. it ducking sucks, it hurts, it's awful. but you know where you stand, you understand what value they place in the relationship, u make an informed decision about how u wanna act in the future w them

OR. u tell them, either they explain why they kept it from u, im guessing probably that they didn't realize u would take it as them caring about u any less, u guys talk it out and are better for it going forward

fwiw when im keeping shit from people it's not ever bc i don't care about them. usually the opposite. so.

[guylining]

i don't think they were trying to protect me i think they just didn't think about me

not that i'm saying you're right to do that bc you're definitely not, you should tell people shit

bc believe me it fucking sucks to be on this end

but ig you're right about the rest

[extent]

they might have been trying to protect themselves as well
truth is it's probably a combination of all of it
sometimes people don't realize how something looks until its pointed out to them

and it's ok to be mad about it even if their intention wasn't to hurt u, cause that's still what happened

[guylining]

yeah i guess

fuck, i got so used to thinking we were a family together. i had it in my head like, i finally have a family i can rely on, and this just isn't that

nobody's ever as good as you think, are they

[extent]

i know it probably feels like it's ruined right now, but i dont want u to like give up on the whole thing because of this
at least not before u properly talk to them about stuff

but like if u talk and they actually arent shit, fuck that + fuck them

you deserve a family that cares about you as much as you care about them

[guylining]

family screws me up, nick
it always has
i don't think i'm fucking equipped to even know how it's supposed to be bc all i have to go on is "not hawthorney"

i don't want a brother who hates me or parents who don't fucking notice me unless it's to tell me off

maybe i'm just expecting too much of them

[extent]

i get it, you thought you had something different + now u feel let down. you thought they felt the same way and now it feels like they don't.

your standards aren't high nate. like, seriously. you deserve a family and you deserve them to be fucking perfect bc it's some cruel joke that u havent gotten that before.

would it cheer u up if i offer to beat them up?

[guylining]

maybe

but i'll take a cuddle instead if you have one going

[extent]

good bc i would do it for u but i'm like not confident in my fighting abilities tbh

always. anytime. especially right now 💖

[guylining]

where are you, home? i wouldn't be teleporting onto a naked kyle would i

[extent]

will u be disappointed if i tell u that kyle not naked + not currently in my room?

[guylining]

semi-disappointed he's not naked tbh

[ But not really, since it means he can just teleport straight to Nick. Once the flare of light fades back, he reaches to wrap himself around him. ]

Thanks, Nick.

[extent]

( nick only really uses his room to study these days — "study" being a loose term, clearly, because he has some magic book on his lap that he's ignoring in favour of tip tapping away on his device. both get discarded when nate shows up, anyway. he quickly gets up to meet nate in the hug, squeezing him tight and hooking a chin over his shoulder. )

Like, any time. You know that, right?

[guylining]

[ Nate settles into a tight hug, face gently pressed against Nick's neck. ]

I know. That's why I'm here.

[ He needed a good friend, and Nick might be his best one. ]

[extent]

You're like, the best. If people aren't treating you like you're the best, fuck 'em.

( nick has, apparently, reached his limit for well-reasoned and rational advice for the day. he sighs, tilting his head just enough that he can press a kiss on nate's shoulder. )

[guylining]

[ Nate closes his eyes and just stays like that for a couple of seconds. Nick gives good hugs, and has a knack for telling him what he needs to hear when he's upset. Or pissed, or whatever he is right now. Even if it's not a balanced neutral view at all, it's what makes him feel better.

His face turns a bit so that he can push a kiss into Nick's neck. Then another one on his jaw, and then he just settles tighter against him. ]

Nah. You're the best. Thanks for being here, I really needed this.

[extent]

Nah, I've just figured you out a little.

( it's not a particularly impartial view that nick has, but then nick doesn't feel especially impartial about nate. there's a handful of people that have become incredibly important to nick over the last six months, and nate?

well. nate was the first. he was never going to stay unbiased for long. even if it's hypocritical as hell for nick to be judging people for keeping secrets from their loved ones. he doesn't care. )

Come lie down. I don't plan on letting you go for a while now.

[guylining]

[ Nick knows him, that's true. There's a reason why Nick is the person he reached for; he always knew he could rely on him to be on his side. That's important.

He slips out of his arms only to take his hand and go to the bed, where they can wrap up again. ]

You know, you actually give the best hugs. That's a thing.

[extent]

Obviously, I'm very talented.

( nate only gets a moment of personal space. once he's on the bed nick flops down next to him, and pretty much immediately tugs nate back into his arms. it's easier to settle down like this, an arm wound tight around his shoulders and the other slung over him — he really meant that he was in this for the long haul.

it doesn't feel like enough, in the face of the kinds of big emotions that nate is grappling with, but it's the best he's got right now. )

I don't...lie to you. If that helps, at all.