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[extent]

user name: nick
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[guylining]

i get why
and i meant to, like. i was planning to

i just missed him
and he was right there and it just seemed crazy to me

like you know what this place is like, it could take him away again next month. i don't want to waste time

but that's not to say i'm not gonna watch out for changes. ineroth still scares me more than anything. if that control is broken, i need to know.

[extent]

please dont like
not talk to me about this stuff just bc theres a lot going on

[guylining]

i wish it wasn't happening all at once
i don't want to make everything about me

[extent]

thats not making everything about you, thats just sharing your shit
even if the whole city was being blown to bits i'd still want to know what was going on w you

[guylining]

yeah. i would too, i'd want to know what was up with you

[extent]

do you think i'm making everything about me, when i talk to you about the stuff going on in my life?

[guylining]

no

no, you're right.

i feel like i'm scrambling to keep up every day.
i'm not used to this
like for years and years i had exactly one problem and it was just me and thorn dealing with it

now there's crowds of people and dozens of problems that i don't have answers to and on top of that it's still just strange to me to be here again
it's strange being in a real living world again
i look at my clothes and feel this disconnect from who i used to be
i can't imagine performing again.

and now caliban just died in front of me
if that had happened before i fell asleep i'd be in a tailspin right now.
how can i fit right back into my old life when i don't feel like that guy anymore?

that's what my head looks like rn
i'm just trying to push it all aside while i deal with all the other shit that's always going on

[extent]

you don't have to be that guy anymore

nate is who you are now, you don't have to try and force yourself back into a shape that doesn't fit any more. it's going to take time to find a new normal, but no one expects you to just fall right back into place
and if they do i'll tell them to fuck off

you'll figure out your new rhythm here and what that looks like, its only been a few weeks and you were gone for years
i know you know this but you put so much pressure on yourself
its ok to not have it all figured out right now

[guylining]

i don't know if it is, though

i've got to figure out thorn, i've got to figure out oli, i'm about to set sail on a ship that i have to protect and direct with magic, there's creepy shadow things everywhere and people were popping in and out of the wrong bodies, there's really not time for me to be in my head about ~where i fit~ and ~where i belong~ and ~what i want day to day life to look like now that i actually have one again~

like i keep just straight up not remembering to put food inside me
like why do i have a headache why does my stomach hurt oh because i haven't fed it today
i feel like i've forgotten to be alive and there's no time to remember. this place doesn't ever stop

[extent]

you can't do everything, and no one expects you to. there's always going to be shit happening nate, that's just what being here is. if you don't let yourself figure out that day to day shit too you'll never be together enough to figure out the big stuff too

focus on the ship for now, that's happening right away, the rest

we'll figure it all out, alright? it's not just you
we'll figure it out

[guylining]

i know it's not, i just

i want to be at my best and i feel like i'm still catching up

i'll be ok. i've gotten through a lot worse, i promise.

[extent]

i know you will

i just want you to know that you will be

[guylining]

i know.
i'm not doing it alone, anyway.

[extent]

you're not
there's so many people that love you and we all want to help, with all of it
i dont care if we're grappling with demon containment spells or trying to find your new favorite song

i'm here for it all

[guylining]

i know

i can always feel you.
i wish i'd had that back home.
i wish i'd had you.