[ nick is...tired, which is his tried and tested excuse for why he's acting off to anyone that should know better. the last couple of days have just been a lot, it's left him wrung out and raw in a way that's very hard to brush off like he normally does — but nick still smiles when theo approaches, because despite the chaos that has become of his life, nick's still happy to see him. ]
Didn't want to get started without you.
[ naturally. he has weed on him, nick always does, but the little baggie full of pre-rolled joints on the table next to him have been up until this point largely untouched. nick takes another drag before he holds the cigarette out to theo in offering, lazing back in the chair. ]
[A long drawn out grunt in response, taking the cigarette from him to nurse for a moment - he holds the smoke in his lungs, letting it out slowly through his nose. Truth be told, he's still scrambling for some semblance of familiarity to hold on to - chasing a high never let him down before, that's why he's here after all, and he still hopes this'll keep him from shuttering himself up in his own head.]
Been better - that whole Krampus deal kinda fucked with me a bit.
[Theo reaches forward to flick ashes into the ashtray, before stealing a second drag.]
I liked it better when it was just pool parties and sex here.
Yeah, tell me about it. I didn't realise we were signing up for existential crises with our non-consensual vacation.
[ it's a relief to not be the only one struggling actually, if nick is honest, even if it's a horribly selfish thought. it's just hard to maintain the persona that he's pidgeonholed himself into, the one that's expected of him, upbeat and cheerful in the face of almost anything, friendly and fun above all else.
but theo isn't putting on sunshine and rainbows, and it's--almost like it gives nick permission to slip a little too. he laughs, and the sound is as tired and wrung out as he feels. ]
You want to talk about it, or do you want to get high about it?
[Theo laughs in a dry way at Nick's perfect phrasing of crises, and leaves the cigarette in the ash tray to lean back again and rub his finger over his upper lip. He actually needs to think about that for a moment, chewing on his inner cheek and eventually just giving a little shrug. How do you begin to explain not wanting to see all the cut up parts of you under all your superficial layers?]
Definitely wanna get high. And - I don't know, it's not like I don't want to talk about it but... if anything, I definitely need to be high first. I'm not great at coping with serious shit on a good day...
[So! He picks up the lighter he brought, standing it on its end next to the still-burning cigarette, nearly down to its filter.]
How strong's your stuff? I ask, pretending like I'm pacing myself.
How about we get really high, and then you feel it out? I can talk for days about dumb shit if you don't end up feeling up to sharing.
[ god knows that nick is hardly the paragon of sharing his problems, he knows that feeling of being caught in the middle of wanting to get things out but finding the act of sharing--intimidating, to say the least. it's far too familiar for nick to be anything other than sympathetic.
there's hardly enough left of the cigarette to be worth taking a drag but nick does anyway, one last quick little exhale before he crushes the butt neatly into the waiting ashtray. he's quick to trade it for fishing out a couple of joints, and he doesn't look at all apologetic as he holds one out. ]
They're uh, pretty strong. I need something with a bit of a kick, the regular stuff just doesn't really do much for me, you know?
[Maybe he'll end up talking about it, maybe he won't - he knows it'd help him if he did, but it's one of those times where Theo can sense the seriousness edging in on his life and he wants to run away from it. He's good at running away. At least he used to be, when you could flee a city on a whim and not get stuck in the dirt here at the manor. He'll happily take the joint, and plays with his lighter in his other hand before lighting it.]
Picked up any new hobbies lately? I'm living in the art room these days.
[ once nick has lit up one for himself he's quick to slouch back into the chair, half draped across it in a position that doesn't at all appear comfortable, but he looks quite settled.
smoke furls back out into the air again as they both start to smoke, but as quickly as it drifts up into the room, the trails are whisked away towards the window. magic, naturally, but not the sort that nick needs to actively concentrate on to keep up. ]
I'm trying to like...learn a little more. Witch stuff, I mean. I kind of flaked out on the whole school thing early but, I don't know. What else am I going to do here, right?
[Theo says playfully, smiling across at Nick. Theo had a very non-traditional upbringing compared to most - went to prestigious yet decidedly un-magical schools, coasting on wealth and hobbies to get by. He studied things that don't really matter in the grand scheme of things, playing pretend with a new life just to keep himself occupied. But the idea of school - designed to cultivate and hone your witchcrafting skills? Oh, he is envious. Genuinely, genuinely envious.]
I've always been hardpressed to even find another witch, nevermind learn anything from them. Or about them? Tell me you had cool ass classes.
[ most of the time, nick doesn't mind being "the drop out". it's a joke that he leans into before anyone else gets the chance to make a comment, he's the first to laugh about it, the first to insist that everything about his life is simply better because of his decision to dip.
maybe he's just more sensitive now. things all just feel a little more raw, the buzz he's been more or less consistently cultivating for a day or so now isn't really taking off those edges, and nick shrugs. does it really sound as pathetic as it feels, or is he just more conscious of--everything? ]
I didn't...I left, you know. Years ago now. So I'm like, not the person to ask about the whole experience. I just like--I do the stuff I'm good at, right? The stuff I never needed to work at, I guess. It's good though, I get to do whatever I want.
[Envious as he may be of an experience he'll never have, Theo can still relate to what Nick says next. He sort of treated this life the same way - didn't strive to be anything other than what he feels he was meant to be, and thrives in his element. He's facing his own "I need to crack down and work" but that can be January's problem - he just nods his head, while listening.]
I know what that's like - there's freedom to it? I go off the rails sometimes because of it but I dunno, I'm not good at being pinned into place. You either?
[ it's easy enough to dress it up with a wry sort of a smirk and an exhale of smoke--that's always the punchline, nick the dropout stoner that never amounted to anything, not a drop of talent that held the rest of his esteemed family up high. ó broin doesn't mean a thing to anyone here, but somehow nick feels the weight of it all the same.
but it's funny, because nick insists it is. he invites people to laugh, because if it's a joke, then it's not just a sad state of affairs. he takes another drag, another exhale, long and slow enough that he can puff out a couple of wobbly rings, then sends it all out towards the window along with the rest of the smoke, and by the time that's done it's easier to chase the wry smirk away with a more genuine smile, and he looks over at theo with a friendly sort of curiosity. ]
What was it like, where you were from, before this?
I don't know how much I've said about it before, but...
[He remembers another Nick, something he also doesn't say - how it still kind of hurts to see people who don't see him back immediately. But that's nothing new to Theo, really, he's always living a life of rebuildin relationships because they'll all just crumble away in time. He thinks for a moment, sitting back with a soft little sigh. Normally he's all glitz and glamor (literal and less so) about talking about his life, laying it out like it also doesn't bother him but Krampus kinda fucked him over. Hollowed him out of shiny bits and distracting, witty remarks. He's rebuilding that stash, rebuilding that glossy armor but Nick gets something a little more blunt and honest:]
Every time I die I just reincarnate into another life. When I remember past lives varies every time, but whenever it hits sort of - makes that life meaningless? My parents are the busy rich types, busy with their own lives - they feel like placeholders, sometimes.
[This - bothers him, and he frowns.]
I don't know if that's because they weren't ever really there or because they feel disposable. I'll have new parents the next time I die. And the time after that. They all matter and then they don't. Which sounds really depressing, but...
[He chews his lip. Looks at Nick.]
That's just why I don't talk about it. I say the easy lines of "oh, I was an artist. Doing the NY circuit when not travelling". Less trauma dumping. Sorry you get it here and now, though. It's been a shitty week.
[ it's not like he doesn't get the dismissal, though. how many times has nick done exactly the same thing, said just a little too much only to quickly brush it away with an apology and a wave of his hand? seeing the habit reflected back to him is--sadder than he'd like, almost hard to look at.
the corners of his mouth tug downwards, but he stretches out a leg so that he can nudge at theo's knee with his foot in a gentle, jostling little gesture. just a small touch of affection, he doesn't want to be too sympathetic. maybe theo isn't the same, but nick hates when he can see too much sympathy in someone. ]
[Theo's hand reaches to rest on Nick's foot, smiling just a little - letting it sit in the corners of his lips as he shrugs. He lost count a long time ago, and he knew he hadn't kept a running tally from the start. That's kind of the cosmic horror of it, anyway. An endless cycle.]
I dunno. I don't remember a lot of them, I only started to later on?
[Getting murdered helped the memories stick, when it happened.]
It's like when you wake up from a dream, trying to remember it - the details slip away. Come back to you randomly, only to disappear again? Except for the really memorable lives, a lot of it just blurs. Probably a good thing my name never changes.
[ nick has never particularly seen the appeal behind wanting to live forever anyway, and from the way that theo describes it, this sounds like a particularly grim way to do it. maybe nick is just being too bleak about it, maybe multiple lives is actually great, but...he doesn't think so.
he takes another drag, a long one, held for a while before he exhales again, and once the smoke has dissipated a little he looks at theo, a wry sort of a smile on his face. ]
I'm sorry. It sounds...like a really fucking raw deal you've got.
[The way Theo replies is - that kind of reply that stamps down his own resentment, under the guise of 'what do I have to complain about, really?' that pairs so well with attempting to keep other people from feeling sorry for him. Or worse, for commiserating enough that they both get down about it. He shrugs his shoulders, murmuring a soft 'C'est la vie'.]
This is the first life I've been able to be so close to other witches, though. It's a nice change.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Didn't want to get started without you.
[ naturally. he has weed on him, nick always does, but the little baggie full of pre-rolled joints on the table next to him have been up until this point largely untouched. nick takes another drag before he holds the cigarette out to theo in offering, lazing back in the chair. ]
How've you been?
no subject
[A long drawn out grunt in response, taking the cigarette from him to nurse for a moment - he holds the smoke in his lungs, letting it out slowly through his nose. Truth be told, he's still scrambling for some semblance of familiarity to hold on to - chasing a high never let him down before, that's why he's here after all, and he still hopes this'll keep him from shuttering himself up in his own head.]
Been better - that whole Krampus deal kinda fucked with me a bit.
[Theo reaches forward to flick ashes into the ashtray, before stealing a second drag.]
I liked it better when it was just pool parties and sex here.
no subject
[ it's a relief to not be the only one struggling actually, if nick is honest, even if it's a horribly selfish thought. it's just hard to maintain the persona that he's pidgeonholed himself into, the one that's expected of him, upbeat and cheerful in the face of almost anything, friendly and fun above all else.
but theo isn't putting on sunshine and rainbows, and it's--almost like it gives nick permission to slip a little too. he laughs, and the sound is as tired and wrung out as he feels. ]
You want to talk about it, or do you want to get high about it?
no subject
Definitely wanna get high. And - I don't know, it's not like I don't want to talk about it but... if anything, I definitely need to be high first. I'm not great at coping with serious shit on a good day...
[So! He picks up the lighter he brought, standing it on its end next to the still-burning cigarette, nearly down to its filter.]
How strong's your stuff? I ask, pretending like I'm pacing myself.
no subject
[ god knows that nick is hardly the paragon of sharing his problems, he knows that feeling of being caught in the middle of wanting to get things out but finding the act of sharing--intimidating, to say the least. it's far too familiar for nick to be anything other than sympathetic.
there's hardly enough left of the cigarette to be worth taking a drag but nick does anyway, one last quick little exhale before he crushes the butt neatly into the waiting ashtray. he's quick to trade it for fishing out a couple of joints, and he doesn't look at all apologetic as he holds one out. ]
They're uh, pretty strong. I need something with a bit of a kick, the regular stuff just doesn't really do much for me, you know?
no subject
[Maybe he'll end up talking about it, maybe he won't - he knows it'd help him if he did, but it's one of those times where Theo can sense the seriousness edging in on his life and he wants to run away from it. He's good at running away. At least he used to be, when you could flee a city on a whim and not get stuck in the dirt here at the manor. He'll happily take the joint, and plays with his lighter in his other hand before lighting it.]
Picked up any new hobbies lately? I'm living in the art room these days.
no subject
[ once nick has lit up one for himself he's quick to slouch back into the chair, half draped across it in a position that doesn't at all appear comfortable, but he looks quite settled.
smoke furls back out into the air again as they both start to smoke, but as quickly as it drifts up into the room, the trails are whisked away towards the window. magic, naturally, but not the sort that nick needs to actively concentrate on to keep up. ]
I'm trying to like...learn a little more. Witch stuff, I mean. I kind of flaked out on the whole school thing early but, I don't know. What else am I going to do here, right?
no subject
[Theo says playfully, smiling across at Nick. Theo had a very non-traditional upbringing compared to most - went to prestigious yet decidedly un-magical schools, coasting on wealth and hobbies to get by. He studied things that don't really matter in the grand scheme of things, playing pretend with a new life just to keep himself occupied. But the idea of school - designed to cultivate and hone your witchcrafting skills? Oh, he is envious. Genuinely, genuinely envious.]
I've always been hardpressed to even find another witch, nevermind learn anything from them. Or about them? Tell me you had cool ass classes.
no subject
[ most of the time, nick doesn't mind being "the drop out". it's a joke that he leans into before anyone else gets the chance to make a comment, he's the first to laugh about it, the first to insist that everything about his life is simply better because of his decision to dip.
maybe he's just more sensitive now. things all just feel a little more raw, the buzz he's been more or less consistently cultivating for a day or so now isn't really taking off those edges, and nick shrugs. does it really sound as pathetic as it feels, or is he just more conscious of--everything? ]
I didn't...I left, you know. Years ago now. So I'm like, not the person to ask about the whole experience. I just like--I do the stuff I'm good at, right? The stuff I never needed to work at, I guess. It's good though, I get to do whatever I want.
no subject
I know what that's like - there's freedom to it? I go off the rails sometimes because of it but I dunno, I'm not good at being pinned into place. You either?
no subject
[ it's easy enough to dress it up with a wry sort of a smirk and an exhale of smoke--that's always the punchline, nick the dropout stoner that never amounted to anything, not a drop of talent that held the rest of his esteemed family up high. ó broin doesn't mean a thing to anyone here, but somehow nick feels the weight of it all the same.
but it's funny, because nick insists it is. he invites people to laugh, because if it's a joke, then it's not just a sad state of affairs. he takes another drag, another exhale, long and slow enough that he can puff out a couple of wobbly rings, then sends it all out towards the window along with the rest of the smoke, and by the time that's done it's easier to chase the wry smirk away with a more genuine smile, and he looks over at theo with a friendly sort of curiosity. ]
What was it like, where you were from, before this?
no subject
[He remembers another Nick, something he also doesn't say - how it still kind of hurts to see people who don't see him back immediately. But that's nothing new to Theo, really, he's always living a life of rebuildin relationships because they'll all just crumble away in time. He thinks for a moment, sitting back with a soft little sigh. Normally he's all glitz and glamor (literal and less so) about talking about his life, laying it out like it also doesn't bother him but Krampus kinda fucked him over. Hollowed him out of shiny bits and distracting, witty remarks. He's rebuilding that stash, rebuilding that glossy armor but Nick gets something a little more blunt and honest:]
Every time I die I just reincarnate into another life. When I remember past lives varies every time, but whenever it hits sort of - makes that life meaningless? My parents are the busy rich types, busy with their own lives - they feel like placeholders, sometimes.
[This - bothers him, and he frowns.]
I don't know if that's because they weren't ever really there or because they feel disposable. I'll have new parents the next time I die. And the time after that. They all matter and then they don't. Which sounds really depressing, but...
[He chews his lip. Looks at Nick.]
That's just why I don't talk about it. I say the easy lines of "oh, I was an artist. Doing the NY circuit when not travelling". Less trauma dumping. Sorry you get it here and now, though. It's been a shitty week.
no subject
[ it's not like he doesn't get the dismissal, though. how many times has nick done exactly the same thing, said just a little too much only to quickly brush it away with an apology and a wave of his hand? seeing the habit reflected back to him is--sadder than he'd like, almost hard to look at.
the corners of his mouth tug downwards, but he stretches out a leg so that he can nudge at theo's knee with his foot in a gentle, jostling little gesture. just a small touch of affection, he doesn't want to be too sympathetic. maybe theo isn't the same, but nick hates when he can see too much sympathy in someone. ]
How many lives have you lived now?
no subject
I dunno. I don't remember a lot of them, I only started to later on?
[Getting murdered helped the memories stick, when it happened.]
It's like when you wake up from a dream, trying to remember it - the details slip away. Come back to you randomly, only to disappear again? Except for the really memorable lives, a lot of it just blurs. Probably a good thing my name never changes.
no subject
[ nick has never particularly seen the appeal behind wanting to live forever anyway, and from the way that theo describes it, this sounds like a particularly grim way to do it. maybe nick is just being too bleak about it, maybe multiple lives is actually great, but...he doesn't think so.
he takes another drag, a long one, held for a while before he exhales again, and once the smoke has dissipated a little he looks at theo, a wry sort of a smile on his face. ]
I'm sorry. It sounds...like a really fucking raw deal you've got.
no subject
[The way Theo replies is - that kind of reply that stamps down his own resentment, under the guise of 'what do I have to complain about, really?' that pairs so well with attempting to keep other people from feeling sorry for him. Or worse, for commiserating enough that they both get down about it. He shrugs his shoulders, murmuring a soft 'C'est la vie'.]
This is the first life I've been able to be so close to other witches, though. It's a nice change.