[Envious as he may be of an experience he'll never have, Theo can still relate to what Nick says next. He sort of treated this life the same way - didn't strive to be anything other than what he feels he was meant to be, and thrives in his element. He's facing his own "I need to crack down and work" but that can be January's problem - he just nods his head, while listening.]
I know what that's like - there's freedom to it? I go off the rails sometimes because of it but I dunno, I'm not good at being pinned into place. You either?
[ it's easy enough to dress it up with a wry sort of a smirk and an exhale of smoke--that's always the punchline, nick the dropout stoner that never amounted to anything, not a drop of talent that held the rest of his esteemed family up high. ó broin doesn't mean a thing to anyone here, but somehow nick feels the weight of it all the same.
but it's funny, because nick insists it is. he invites people to laugh, because if it's a joke, then it's not just a sad state of affairs. he takes another drag, another exhale, long and slow enough that he can puff out a couple of wobbly rings, then sends it all out towards the window along with the rest of the smoke, and by the time that's done it's easier to chase the wry smirk away with a more genuine smile, and he looks over at theo with a friendly sort of curiosity. ]
What was it like, where you were from, before this?
I don't know how much I've said about it before, but...
[He remembers another Nick, something he also doesn't say - how it still kind of hurts to see people who don't see him back immediately. But that's nothing new to Theo, really, he's always living a life of rebuildin relationships because they'll all just crumble away in time. He thinks for a moment, sitting back with a soft little sigh. Normally he's all glitz and glamor (literal and less so) about talking about his life, laying it out like it also doesn't bother him but Krampus kinda fucked him over. Hollowed him out of shiny bits and distracting, witty remarks. He's rebuilding that stash, rebuilding that glossy armor but Nick gets something a little more blunt and honest:]
Every time I die I just reincarnate into another life. When I remember past lives varies every time, but whenever it hits sort of - makes that life meaningless? My parents are the busy rich types, busy with their own lives - they feel like placeholders, sometimes.
[This - bothers him, and he frowns.]
I don't know if that's because they weren't ever really there or because they feel disposable. I'll have new parents the next time I die. And the time after that. They all matter and then they don't. Which sounds really depressing, but...
[He chews his lip. Looks at Nick.]
That's just why I don't talk about it. I say the easy lines of "oh, I was an artist. Doing the NY circuit when not travelling". Less trauma dumping. Sorry you get it here and now, though. It's been a shitty week.
[ it's not like he doesn't get the dismissal, though. how many times has nick done exactly the same thing, said just a little too much only to quickly brush it away with an apology and a wave of his hand? seeing the habit reflected back to him is--sadder than he'd like, almost hard to look at.
the corners of his mouth tug downwards, but he stretches out a leg so that he can nudge at theo's knee with his foot in a gentle, jostling little gesture. just a small touch of affection, he doesn't want to be too sympathetic. maybe theo isn't the same, but nick hates when he can see too much sympathy in someone. ]
[Theo's hand reaches to rest on Nick's foot, smiling just a little - letting it sit in the corners of his lips as he shrugs. He lost count a long time ago, and he knew he hadn't kept a running tally from the start. That's kind of the cosmic horror of it, anyway. An endless cycle.]
I dunno. I don't remember a lot of them, I only started to later on?
[Getting murdered helped the memories stick, when it happened.]
It's like when you wake up from a dream, trying to remember it - the details slip away. Come back to you randomly, only to disappear again? Except for the really memorable lives, a lot of it just blurs. Probably a good thing my name never changes.
[ nick has never particularly seen the appeal behind wanting to live forever anyway, and from the way that theo describes it, this sounds like a particularly grim way to do it. maybe nick is just being too bleak about it, maybe multiple lives is actually great, but...he doesn't think so.
he takes another drag, a long one, held for a while before he exhales again, and once the smoke has dissipated a little he looks at theo, a wry sort of a smile on his face. ]
I'm sorry. It sounds...like a really fucking raw deal you've got.
[The way Theo replies is - that kind of reply that stamps down his own resentment, under the guise of 'what do I have to complain about, really?' that pairs so well with attempting to keep other people from feeling sorry for him. Or worse, for commiserating enough that they both get down about it. He shrugs his shoulders, murmuring a soft 'C'est la vie'.]
This is the first life I've been able to be so close to other witches, though. It's a nice change.
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no subject
I know what that's like - there's freedom to it? I go off the rails sometimes because of it but I dunno, I'm not good at being pinned into place. You either?
no subject
[ it's easy enough to dress it up with a wry sort of a smirk and an exhale of smoke--that's always the punchline, nick the dropout stoner that never amounted to anything, not a drop of talent that held the rest of his esteemed family up high. ó broin doesn't mean a thing to anyone here, but somehow nick feels the weight of it all the same.
but it's funny, because nick insists it is. he invites people to laugh, because if it's a joke, then it's not just a sad state of affairs. he takes another drag, another exhale, long and slow enough that he can puff out a couple of wobbly rings, then sends it all out towards the window along with the rest of the smoke, and by the time that's done it's easier to chase the wry smirk away with a more genuine smile, and he looks over at theo with a friendly sort of curiosity. ]
What was it like, where you were from, before this?
no subject
[He remembers another Nick, something he also doesn't say - how it still kind of hurts to see people who don't see him back immediately. But that's nothing new to Theo, really, he's always living a life of rebuildin relationships because they'll all just crumble away in time. He thinks for a moment, sitting back with a soft little sigh. Normally he's all glitz and glamor (literal and less so) about talking about his life, laying it out like it also doesn't bother him but Krampus kinda fucked him over. Hollowed him out of shiny bits and distracting, witty remarks. He's rebuilding that stash, rebuilding that glossy armor but Nick gets something a little more blunt and honest:]
Every time I die I just reincarnate into another life. When I remember past lives varies every time, but whenever it hits sort of - makes that life meaningless? My parents are the busy rich types, busy with their own lives - they feel like placeholders, sometimes.
[This - bothers him, and he frowns.]
I don't know if that's because they weren't ever really there or because they feel disposable. I'll have new parents the next time I die. And the time after that. They all matter and then they don't. Which sounds really depressing, but...
[He chews his lip. Looks at Nick.]
That's just why I don't talk about it. I say the easy lines of "oh, I was an artist. Doing the NY circuit when not travelling". Less trauma dumping. Sorry you get it here and now, though. It's been a shitty week.
no subject
[ it's not like he doesn't get the dismissal, though. how many times has nick done exactly the same thing, said just a little too much only to quickly brush it away with an apology and a wave of his hand? seeing the habit reflected back to him is--sadder than he'd like, almost hard to look at.
the corners of his mouth tug downwards, but he stretches out a leg so that he can nudge at theo's knee with his foot in a gentle, jostling little gesture. just a small touch of affection, he doesn't want to be too sympathetic. maybe theo isn't the same, but nick hates when he can see too much sympathy in someone. ]
How many lives have you lived now?
no subject
I dunno. I don't remember a lot of them, I only started to later on?
[Getting murdered helped the memories stick, when it happened.]
It's like when you wake up from a dream, trying to remember it - the details slip away. Come back to you randomly, only to disappear again? Except for the really memorable lives, a lot of it just blurs. Probably a good thing my name never changes.
no subject
[ nick has never particularly seen the appeal behind wanting to live forever anyway, and from the way that theo describes it, this sounds like a particularly grim way to do it. maybe nick is just being too bleak about it, maybe multiple lives is actually great, but...he doesn't think so.
he takes another drag, a long one, held for a while before he exhales again, and once the smoke has dissipated a little he looks at theo, a wry sort of a smile on his face. ]
I'm sorry. It sounds...like a really fucking raw deal you've got.
no subject
[The way Theo replies is - that kind of reply that stamps down his own resentment, under the guise of 'what do I have to complain about, really?' that pairs so well with attempting to keep other people from feeling sorry for him. Or worse, for commiserating enough that they both get down about it. He shrugs his shoulders, murmuring a soft 'C'est la vie'.]
This is the first life I've been able to be so close to other witches, though. It's a nice change.