duplicitynet | inbox

[extent]

user name: nick
text | video | voice | action | etc

Comments

[chrisisofaith]

[Chris chuckles into his next gulp and shakes his head as he swallows.]

Lovely boy, if I ever agree to get high with you, trust it's not me in my head or something very wrong with me. No judgement for you and Nate and others, but I don't like how it feels in me.

[Nick's hand reaches for his wrist and Chris just watches what he does as he takes another, smaller sip. It felt nice, his hand there.

When he sets his hand down on the table, Chris puts his own next to Nick's, pinkies touching along one side.

That question, though...he sighs heavily and...needs another drink.]

Depends. Hurt how and safe how?

[Because wasn't that just the million gold question? The very one that had been weighing at the back of his mind since he'd shown back up here. What if, for the good of countless others, you need to spend the rest of your life looking over your shoulder and waiting for a cold hand at your throat?]

cw: drug use refs

[extent]

Spoken like someone who's never tried molly.

[ he's not about to start pushing drugs on people, that's a far cry from who nick is, but he can't deny that the call of something with a little more kick to it than these bottles of alcohol is strong tonight. he's pretty sure he's sat at this exact table and snorted lines off of the surface before--but that was without present company. or company at all, actually.

but he's trying to retain some semblance of an image, so nick doesn't start patting his pockets down. instead he links their pinkies, something about idle hands and all that. ]

Bad hurt. Unpack in therapy later hurt. But, if it works, they don't have to go through...any of that. And I really can't see another option.

[chrisisofaith]

[That...gods, how does he answer that. With a very long drink, that's how. Please just let him be drunk soon. He could cop-out, say 'I thought we weren't doing this' and close it.

He could lie and say 'no, I would never'

Or lie more and simply say 'yes, I would. In an instant.'

None of that is true and the poison of that decision has been eating at him for months.]

I...[he chokes on nothing in his throat, faster than he ever has before as words and doubt form a too-real lump in his lungs.]

I haven't decided yet.

[It's quiet, but desperately honest in a way he wishes he could instantly cover up again. He covers it with another long drink instead.]