extent | duplicitynet

What, you want details?

[ the problem is that there's a lot built up, too much for nick to just stamp back down. he sounds miserable and he knows it, but he just scowls at the blurred approximation of pierce's face. ]

What's the bit that's going to make you more mad, the part where I begged him not to tie me up and he kept pushing until I said yes, or the bit where I got off anyway? Is that what you want to hear? I told you to fucking leave it.

[ he's aiming for angry, he wants to sound pissed, but it catches in his throat and nick just sounds as sad and scared as he's been since this whole thing started. ]

( there.

he got the confirmation he wanted from him. does he feel bad that it took driving nick to freaking tears? yes. does he regret doing it though? no. )

I can't do that. ( he finally pushes away, giving him his space back. taking a seat next to him, pierce rakes his fingers through his hair as he looks at him solemnly. he doesn't say anything for a moment before he angles his head at him slightly. ) He hurt you, Nick. He pressured you into doing something you didn't want to do and he has apparently made you feel like it's your fault.

( and it's taking every bit of self-restraint in him not to immediately leave this apartment, find that fucker and drag his face across the ground to the depths of hell and back. he just might because he doesn't have oli's aptitude for patience, especially not after what he just heard. )

It isn't your fault, Nick. ( there is no bite to his words. it's simply firm and direct. ) You want to know which bit makes me the maddest, right? It's that. The fact that he made you fucking feel that way. And that I wasn't here to stop it from happening.

[ pierce finally moves back and nick sucks in a breath like he's been holding it, and it only narrowly avoids becoming a gasping sort of sob because he's so good at stamping that down. he scrubs the back of his hand under his eyes, angry swipes that don't really clear anything up at all, and resolutely doesn't look at pierce when he settles next to him. ]

I was here for a year before any of you showed up, Pierce. I figured out how to handle shit on my own. [ he's not mad at them for not being there, not really, because that wouldn't be fair. it's just sometimes when he's feeling especially awful, even unfair thoughts manage to creep their way in. ] i know you think you're going to bulldoze in and fix this whole mess, but you can't. You need to back off and let me handle it.

[ he's just going to continue ignoring the fact that his voice wobbles too hard for the words to bite, that his chest is still shuddering because he is very much still crying, even if nick is resolutely pretending that it's not happening. ]

( look at him trying to be assertive all the while blubbering away. )

But we're here now. That means you don't have to handle shit on your own.

( he inhales slowly before letting the breath out. ) I know I haven't been the greatest friend, but did a year in this place make you lose your trust in me? If I was gonna make a big fuckin' mess out of everything, then I would have done it already.

( turning towards him, pierce props his arm on top of the couch as he reaches out with his hand to brush some of the tears away from nick's right eye. )

And if you're gonna cry, then stop trying to hold it in. Just let it all out, mate.

[ he's a mess of contradictions, flinching at the touch even as he turns his cheek towards it, scowling even as he reaches up and presses the hand into his face harder. he wants to be angry, is the thing. nick wants to be angry at william--at pierce--at the whole goddamn city, but he isn't.

nick doesn't get angry, there's no point. there's nowhere for that anger to go, so he's just really fucking sad instead. ]

I don't want to fucking cry, I want to get on with my shit without people forcing shit out of me. [ he doesn't let go, nick holds his hand tight and keeps that hand flush against his face, but nick closes his eyes. it's a little easier to ignore the tears like that, if he can't see at all. ] I don't want to talk about it.

( pierce couldn't tell him if it is better to be angry or to be sad. there really isn't a satisfactory answer available, at least none that he has found. most of his life has been spent battling between a sense of defiance and surrender, yet he is no closer to striking a balance between the two now than he did when he was younger.

he doesn't draw his hand away, letting nick press his face against the palm of it. his tears feel hot against his skin. )

I won't make you talk about it anymore. ( he got everything he needed. ) You can punch me if that'll make you feel better.

[ nick actually laughs at that, and it's a wet, helpless sort of a sound but it's still a laugh. he's just--tired, of everything that's going on, and keeping so much to himself, and he's tired of having fights with his friends. but pierce says they can stop talking about it, so nick jumps on that. ]

You know, it's my birthday next week. [ he twists his head a little, just so he can drop something like a kiss against pierce's palm ] Twenty-one, finally.

( consider: not keeping so much to himself and actually relying on his bffs more, especially now that they're all here!!! )

Twenty-one, huh? ( he... stifles the grimace threatening to emerge. that was not a good year. nope. ) Aren't you growing up fast? ( a light tease as he ruffles his hair. ) So, what do you want for your birthday? I'll make it happen.

[ his nose wrinkles at the hair mussing, but nick is still smiling despite his best efforts to look annoyed at the gesture. there's even an ineffective eye roll, and nick sweeps both his hands quickly over his face before he twists in his seat, leaning right over until he can lean into pierce. ]

I don't want anything, I don't need anything. You have to come to my thing though, Oli's doing something. Apparently there's going to be an orgy.

[ you know. naturally. ]

( his smile freezes in place at the mention of a thing.

it's... not going to be a small one between the four of them if there's gonna be an orgy involved, is it? )

Oh. ( he doesn't think it's a good idea for him to attend a party right now. it's bound to end bad with him there. but he did just make him cry. there's a limit to how much of a jerk he can be with his friends. ) I'll swing by for a bit then. ( he won't make any promises for how long he'll actually stay. )

You don't have to stay.

[ the response is met with a little pat to his chest, before he's pushing his way in closer, jamming himself into pierce's side. it's an easy way to sweep the moment before away, now that the only evidence that nick ever had some kind of breakdown is red eyes and slightly jittery hands. the soft affection as much about how he feels as it is a patch repair kit for the fraught moment.

it's been years since he's seen pierce, but nick is more than happy to act like no time has passed at all. ]

Just show up, you know? That's all. We can do something on the actual day, just me, you, Ken and Oli. Like the old days.

( as long as he isn't obligated to stay for the entire party, then he can at least show his face for an hour or two. he loops his arm around nick when he presses closer to him. giving his upper arm a light squeeze, he reclines back against the couch. )

Alright. I like the sound of that.

( it... has been way too long since they all hung out together. he ignores the way his chest tightens slightly at the thought. )

I'll be there.

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