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user name: nick
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[drmcsexy]

[ Unlike other parts of this talk, it's more than a few minutes before Kyle manages a reply. ]

And I love you. More than I can find words for.

I don't think you understand how much I feel these words, and I understand them. Maybe more than anyone else you have to talk about this with, I understand. I know what you're feeling.

And I know how bad it got. I know how bad it can be. I've said some of these things word for word. I've cried them to my former best friend and had this exact same talk with Michael.

And I would have pointblank said the same thing, that he wouldn't ask, while avoiding saying I would never do that. Because I did it, Nick. I looked him in the eye and said do it after he ripped out my throat and fed me his blood.

So never think me coming to you comes from anything but a place love and desperate need to protect you because I know, Nick. I've been there, and I want better for you.

[extent]

( it's an unpleasant comparison, the sort that leaves an unpleasant taste in nick's mouth and not one he wants to think about — but it's not hard to see why kyle is making it. he understands why he's linked the two situations, as much as he dislikes the thought. )

i know just saying "this is different" is what anyone in that situation would say, i'm sure you probably said it. i've probably said it about shitty people before.

he's more than those incidents. i'm not going to make excuses for whatever role he played in them happening, or try and say it isn't reckless, or dangerous, testing this place. that's a whole conversation i don't even really know how i feel about yet and its way more complex than i can really think about right now.

i know you're worried, and i don't know if i can say anything that'll make that go away. i'm not dismissing it, i really do get it. but if you can trust me, that i'll do whatever i can to keep myself safe, that i'll tell you the second i'm worried, or scared, i hope that'll be enough for now.

[drmcsexy]

[ Kyle knows they're not the same. He knows that one was a sadist and the other just lacks follow through and consideration for those around him. It's only that difference that leaves Kyle able to have this talk as they are. ]

Nick, I know they're not the same type of person. I do know that.

But I also know loving someone enough to do what you can for them, and I know the man you are. You insisted on being there when I was cited, and it's why I will do whatever I can for that to never, not ever, happen again.

Just know that I'm thankful you do recognize that, even if you're not ready to have that talk yet. Just know when you are, I'm here for you to figure out how you feel, or how to work through it.

But in the end, my concern in this is you. My love is yours. So while you know what there is more to him? What I have is the image of you being the next one being whipped within an inch of your life.

I'm trying though to be understanding, Nick, I always have. I just want you to think about where we stand and why we're feeling the way we are. And no, I haven't talked to Ragnor about this, but I have talked to Michael to make sure he's okay.

It has to be enough, doesn't it? For all that we have this new part of our relationship, it only goes as far as you want to actually listen to the rules. It's why I'm not making it a rule. I am asking you to think about the bigger picture here and to try and at least empathize with why others are worried.

Because I'm doing that for you, Nick.

[ But it's also why he's terrified. He's been there, and he knows. Even if the men they love and have loved are not the same in the end. ]