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user name: nick
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[guylining]

[ He holds him tightly, hands fisting into his shirt while his face finds out that it fits very well in that space between shoulder and neck.

Nate isn't a crier, not really. At least not without a drug pushing him to it. The thing is, he never really cried over Nick Scratch. He never really cried about loss, in general, because he wouldn't less himself accept that what he'd lost was really gone.

Stephen had been his first love, here. Maybe his first real love, in general. He'd definitely been the first person Nate was ever serious with, and Stephen had been the one to hold him when Anna had disappeared before. Now, Nick is holding him because Stephen is gone, and unlike the others, he's not gone to a different world. He's not out of reach. He's gone because he wants to be gone, because he doesn't want Nate. He doesn't want his recklessness, or his pride, or his desire to fight. He'd said, I can't overlook it, as if those parts of him were flaws that he was overlooking, the rest of the time. He doesn't feel like he's been rejected because of what he did, he feels it's because of who he is.

And there's that, contrasted with the open, loving way Nick's holding him now.

Nate stays pressed against him until his breathing regularises, until the tears dry away. Then his head lifts, and he's still sad, but he's lighter somehow. He looks down at that bare patch of his chest, and thinks: he has to let it go. ]

Thank you.

[ His voice is tremulous, like it hasn't quite caught up with the fact that he's not crying anymore. That's when he sees the damp stain on Nick's collar, and he reaches up to smooth it with his fingers. ]

I'm sorry. I don't know where that came from.

[ But he leans in to kiss that spot, and then Nick's neck, above it. ]

[extent]

Don't be sorry.

( nick shakes his head quickly, moves quicker still to wipe under nate's eyes. there's some part of him that wants to fix this, as easily as he fixed the burn, the scars.

that's not the kind of hurt this is, though, there's no quick fix. at least, there's nothing that will actually solve this for nate. nick is no stranger to coasting through emotions on chemical substances until the worst of it can't touch him, but now that they're actually here he's--relieved, just a little, that they're still sober.

there's plenty of time to change that, of course, but this, he suspects, needed to be felt. )

I'm serious. I don't care if you're...sobbing, or so furious you're screaming. Don't like, hide it, okay? Not from me.

[guylining]

[ Nate looks up at him.

He trusts Nick so much. He can go to him with anything, that's been proven time and again. It doesn't matter what it is. Even if it's something Nick doesn't agree with, he stands by Nate, because what matters is their connection. It's exactly what Nate needs. He thinks it's what he always needed.

So often in his life, love has felt conditional. It doesn't, with Nick. ]

I won't.

[ He rubs his hand across his face, trying vainly to clean it up a bit. ]

I mean, I'm still sorry for being a mess on your bed, but I know I don't have to hide from you.

I'm really glad that you're here, Nick.