extent | duplicitynet

( it's easier to have a conversation when he's not actually addressing someone, which is a great excuse for why nick busies himself with glasses and pouring drinks, all with his back to michael. even once he's done he only half-turns, leaning his hip against the counter and looking into the bottom of his glass like it might actually hold some answers. )

I figured it was something fucked up.

( he had wanted to ask, obviously. nick is nothing if not nosy as shit, but as much as he likes to claim it, he's not particularly stupid. it had been pretty easy to put two and two together, and see that whatever four was, couldn't be that nice. )

I also figured, if it was something you wanted me to know, you'd tell me.

[ Michael nods, still watches him. Then shrugs. ]

Someone hurt me, deliberately. I was holding on to it. That's why I didn't want it healed, not because I loved the pain, or not being able to move it like I did before.

Because I hated that person. I wanted to hold onto that. And I didn't tell anyone about it, for oh. Ten years? Something like that.

[ Another drink. ]

Anyway, it doesn't matter now. Thing is, keeping that secret, it didn't help me. It festered, and I let it. Secrets do that. I should know, I've always had too many of them.

( theres a knee jerk response that nick only just manages to bite back, because it's easy to hurt someone when they're being vulnerable about something, and nick knows all too well that it's easiest to get someone to back off by hurting them. but he drinks instead, swallows back the nasty retort he has loaded and ready to go. he doesn't want michael to back off, even if the whole conversation makes him squirm. )

Have you let go of it, now?

( the circumstances weren't exactly ideal, but michael still let him fix the injury all the same. the truth is, nick isn't good at secrets, and he's starting to lose track of all the ones he's keeping. )

I don't...know how to talk about shit. It's easier to just keep things to myself.

[ Has he?

Michael's aiming for honesty here, so he sticks with that, come what may. ]

I don't know. Enough to not hold on to a scar anymore. Not completely.

[ The scar is still there. It can't be seen anymore, but that doesn't mean it's gone. Michael finishes his bottle and sets it down. ]

Course it's easier, Nick. Do you want Ragnor to leave you alone? I mean, really.

( now that's a question. nick knocks back the contents of his own glass, and it's only the fact that he's stood here with michael that stops him pouring another. instead he just shrugs his shoulders, passes the empty glass back and forth between his hands a few times and then slides it across the counter. )

No.

( its the most obvious answer and it still feels like he's cracking his ribs open just to answer honestly. )

He'd be better off if he didn't. That's not self-depreciating bullshit, I'm just not an idiot. I'm work, I know I am.

[ Michael shrugs his shoulders. ]

Seems to me like he's willing to do the work. I don't think he's the only one.

[ He does recognise that this isn't an easy conversation to have. It wouldn't be, if the parties were reversed. ]

It doesn't matter.

( nick is tired. he's tired of this conversation and tired of the fight, he's tired of this place. he mostly just wants to get very wasted and pass out face down on his bed, but he's aware enough of appearances not to want to start that process in front of michael. he grabs the bottle again but doesn't pour another glass, just fidgets with it between his hands as he cracks a weak smile. )

Like, thanks for the pep talk. You're a smart guy. I've got so much shit I should be doing, though, I'm going to just— get on with that

[ Michael sighs, and goes to put a hand on his shoulder. He squeezes it, and then backs off, still holding his drink. ]

Okay. Listen, you know where I am. I have your back, Nick.

I know. Like...really. I know you do.

( he does, as well. there's only a handful of people that nick actually talks to about anything real, even fewer that nick actually relies on, and there's no denying that michael has become one of them.

he steps in and pulls michael into a very brief hug, and it feels a little like history repeating itself. nick is retreating to his room and not a multi-day tour of the dive bars in the down though, so it feels more acceptable to pull away and do some waving kind of gesture at him. )

I'll talk to you later, okay?

( naturally, the bottle comes with him when he ducks out of the kitchen. )

duplicitynet | inbox

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject