extent | duplicitynet

I don't know how to deal with it

I want to talk to him but I don't want to talk to THIS him

I want to walk away from it

I think it'd hurt him, after, if I did that. I walked away for a long time, from Alex. Can't make that mistake with someone else. But I still want to.

its okay to need a little breathing room. you dont have to, yknow, scorched earth like i did, but this week is going to feel really fucking long and its okay if you need to take your time
he'll understand that

The way he is, it's so hard to

There's this veneer, and it comes off casual, unless you know him and then you know it's like talking to a wall
A wall with a pretty face that's good at wearing a smile, but a wall

It took a long time to get past that to what's real. Now I'm right back to the start.

i dont think anything can prepare us for someone who loves us treating us like a stranger
its probably not the worst thing that happens here but it sure feels like it

he'll be back. and when he is, he'll remember what it was like when you were the one with no memories
however you need to cope right now is okay, we're not meant to deal with shit like this

We're not.

I don't want to talk to him when he's like this, I can't.
You busy?

no, i'm just in my room
want me to meet you somewhere?

Feel like going driving? I'll get us as far out of the city as we can go, and then you can go nuts.

yeah, lets get out of here. meet me outside?

Yeah.

Thanks.

any time, really

(just dont yell at me if i crash your truck)

Right now? I don't even care, I can fix it

Don't ever tell Kyle I said that

your secrets safe with me 🤐 come on, let's go before i get cold feet

See you downstairs, there's no cold feet on my watch

[ nick is more or less back in working order now, as evidenced by the very lazy habit of getting dressed and portalling from his bedroom directly to the front of the house. there's no need for it, but he does it anyway, mostly because he can.

he's waiting when michael turns up, burnt most of the way through a cigarette, and the last of it goes up on a quick lick of flame before he walks over. ]

Do you know anywhere where there's no trees, or rocks, or y'know, obstacles of any kind?

[ It's not a surprise to see Nick there first. Michael comes over to him, still feeling surly. Nick's company will improve that mood, though. ]

You mean aside from the beach we're on?

[ He looks around, squinting in the sunlight. ]

Not really. We could head out towards the forest, at least it's a long stretch of road.

That's cool, the forest is better anyway.

[ he's not nervous, really, the whole thing was nick's suggestion in the first place. it's just something about new skills, something he has no experience in at that, and an annoying knee jerk need to be good at things right away.

still, he steps in and winds his arms around michael's shoulders quickly, pulls him in for a fast hug and a faster kiss pressed to the side of his face. deliberately not lingering--if michael wants to talk he'll talk, it's not for nick to press right now. ]

Can I smoke in your truck? It's very like, aesthetic y'know, rolling down a highway, wind in your hair.

[ Michael doesn't ask for it, but the way he hugs Nick back is pretty telling. He holds onto him for a bit longer than he needs to, and draws back only when Nick pulls away.

He's more about distraction than dwelling, or at least that's what he thinks he's doing. But the hug is nice. The hug helps. ]

Only if you share, [ he says, which definitely wouldn't be his usual answer, but he's still in that distraction mode. He heads around to climb in the driver's side. ]

And I'm gonna point out, it's a truck, not a convertible. You want the real aesthetic, you need a cowboy hat.

Michael I can't wear a cowboy hat, it'll devastate you when it looks great on me.

[ he climbs into the passenger seat next to michael's side, immediately slouches in his seat--though he stops short of putting his feet up on the dash, respectfully.

despite the affirmative response nick doesn't actually expect michael to take one, really, but he fishes a slightly crumpled packet of cigarettes out of his pocket anyway, holding them out to the other man with a slight curious tilt to his head. ]

Want one?

You kidding? I'd buy you one for Christmas.

[ He does miss the casual, desert aesthetic of New Mexico. Back home he never stood out for dressing like this. Here, he looks kind of wrong, but he sticks to it anyway because looking like he belongs in a modern city would take too much work.

As for that cigarette, though, he barely hesitates, and leans over to snag one. ]

Yes.

[ A beat. ]

Are they gonna get me high?

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