extent | duplicitynet

I always want you to feel it. Sometimes I don't know what to do with all the love I have for you, Nate. It just feels so big.

[ it's a privilege of a problem to have, and one nick wouldn't ever want to be without. it's a simple constant, nick loves nate, for so long that he can't remember what it was like to not love him anymore. there surely was a time, somewhere in that little window between meeting nate and deciding that he was nick's person, but it couldn't have been for long.

all he remembers now is this —the warmth he feels when he's with him, that love echoed right back, as fierce and big as his own. nate's hands find nick's waistband and he lifts his hips to make easing the sweats off go a little smoother, and even that feels like love. nate's lips brush over dark bruises bitten into his hips, and nick opens his eyes, tilts his head to watch. ]

You're the first thing I feel when I wake up, and the last thing before I go to sleep.

[ There's bruises, teeth marks. Nate can see the map of how Nick was used, he can imagine how many hands and mouths and bodies it must have been. He kisses them all away, and then his hands are petting across smooth soft skin and tracing the lines of Nick's tattoos. ]

I know.

When I woke up, from my coma? You were the first thing I felt. When everything was weird and nothing made sense, you made sense.

[ Thanks to that same coma, Nate remembers exactly what it was like to exist every day and not have Nick running through his veins. He knows he wouldn't change this for the world.

He climbs back up Nick's body to press against him, to let their bodies slot in against each other. He slips his arms around him, a gentle hold. ]

I don't think I make sense without you.

[ nate back in his arms feels right, he always does. nick winds his arm round him in turn, hooks his foot around nate's leg too just to feel a little closer. turns his head into nate's cheek like a sunflower into sunlight. ]

When you were asleep, everything felt so quiet. [ and when he was dead, too, but nick doesn't want to talk about that right now. he just wants to nose into nate's cheek, nuzzle in gently, trail his lips to nate's ear. ] I'm more, because of you. I'm more...me.

[ Nate thinks, he's glad Nick didn't feel what he felt when he was in hell. The fear, the loneliness, the desperation - if that had transferred, it would only have hurt Nick. It's good that it didn't.

But it's better, having him back now. Their bond is a warm glow between them. Nick's skin feels soft and good, his lips feel sweet, their closeness makes his heart race. This feeling is belonging. He tightens his hold, letting them settle together. His hands stroke down Nick's back, and they guide more generalised healing magic through him. He wants him to feel restored. ]

I would never take it back. This bond. I wouldn't want to live without it, not after knowing what it was like.

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